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The unspoken side of Addiction
3 months ago · · Addiction, · Explicit
Genuine question here, at what point do people stop enabling addicts and/or victim shaming the friends and family for getting out? Living with an addict is physically and emotionally exhausting. For 17 years my mom tried to help; countless rehabs, family counseling, AA, NA, Alanon, reading the books, therapy, medicine, etc. But at the end of the day the dog was fed antifreeze because he didn't like dog hair in the house. My brother and I were left in a bookstore for three hours while he went and got drunk at the bar, I was 11, he was 4. He showed up at the shop we were at drunk and tried to take my brother. I had to lock the both of us in the bathroom as he beat on the door and tried to fight everyone. Drove us around blasted drunk if he had visitation. Called me when he was going to "kill himself" to make me feel bad. Tried to hit my mom at the courthouse because he wanted custody of my brother. Had his sisters lying to everyone saying my mom was spending all the money and my mom was the reason he was crazy. His whole family knew he killed the dog and lied about it for 10 years. I even asked him to tell me the truth about 2 years ago, and he got mad at me for still being upset about it. Lost countless jobs for getting drunk at work and starting fights. Drove 4 hours to my mom's house to break in and steal shit. I could go on and on. SO next time you want to throw the term "demonizing addiction" I suggest you know the situation before those words leave your keyboard or mouth.
There are people out there that want to get better. I could tell you stories of all the people I met in meetings. One of the guys asked me in an NA meeting what it was like for me being the child of an addict. He was on bad terms with his daughter who was about my age. I told him what I would say to my dad if I knew he was going to listen. I wasn't mean. I was honest about the hurt and my feelings and you know what? The man hugged me and told me what he wanted to say to his daughter. We had helped each other try to understand where the other was in their path. I chose my health and mental wellness over my father and I do not regret it. Most days I'm not angry at him anymore. Most days I'm sad. Most days I wish he would get better for himself at this point. I don't think he'll ever walk me down the aisle or know my future children and for the most part, I'm numb to it. He chose his path after years of us tearing ourselves down to build it for him. We walked away. And don't you ever look me in the eye and tell me we should have tried harder. My mother and brother would probably be dead.
The worst part is people are living in way worse than we had to. And 90% of the keyboard warriors would rather look passed it than help. Go to a meeting, meet a survivor. Talk to an addict. Your cushy pink rose colored glasses need to be taken off. The real world is ugly.
My point is stop forcing relationships with people who are toxic. Stop telling people "oh, but that's your dad." or "but that's your mom" or whatever family member or person is slowly killing you. Stop enabling and victim shaming.