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Why did it start?
I understood it was my mother's narcissistic side that hurts me like she don't care, so I supposed because I can't defend myself from it or hate her or hurt her, I hurt myself, I hate myself and most probably will end killing my own self.
Last week I didn't have therapy because my psychologist had covid19. I hope this Thursday we can talk.
I am 37 and I live with my narcissistic parents. They're quite handful and ot was hard to survive since I moved in again here broke.
All my friends wish me to find a job and get the hell out of here. But I don't see that coming, we all know reality right? To get a job today is just mare reduced to pure luck.
Today I cutted myself I don't know why, since this time my mother didn't bothered me. I just felt the impulse and I tried to not do it, but finally, I fail.
Why if I keep doing it until I have the courage to go deeper in my aorta or heart or stomach or liver... that's my question today.
I am with empty mind, can't figure things out right now. My clinical medicine doctor started to give me escitalopram again since my serotonin run off again... I didn't las a year. He told me I'd probably be taking it for lifetime, because is something that will keep appearing. I ended up like this because a lot of stress I had and have, and some traumatic experiences during my life, plus neglecting parents, you know the story, blah blah
I wish I was strong... at least I can still somehow put up with this and smile when socialising is necessary (to survive).
Thanks for listen.
S.
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