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2 months ago · · death, · Explicit
Hey Grandad, i just wanted to tell you i love you. I know i never got the chance to tell you with actually understanding what it was to love. I was only a kid when you passed away. Terminal cancer is hard, i know. I understand now why you had to go eventually. I regret with all my heart the days i’d ask to my mother “When is grand coming home?”
It must’ve been so hard for her to hear those words almost every day. At the time you were diagnosed with terminal cancer i was 6 months old. They gave you 5 months to live, may i add, which you absolutely smashed. You managed to hold out until i was almost five years old. I am so proud of you really. Life has been tough since the pandemic flared up. I would always cry to myself regretting not being there at your lowest. Now i think about it i’m glad you’re dead. I wouldn’t want you to have had to live through all these lockdowns. The effect it has on your mental and physical health is beyond belief. Im happy you don’t have to go through any of this shit. It is so hard every single day, my hair is in nots every week because i can’t do any of it. I can’t look after myself in the slightest. I went through your old photos with mum today. She mentioned taking grief counselling after the lockdown. She couldn’t stop herself from crying seeing you pushing me on that swing again. Man i really loved that didn’t i? You’d always take me and her to temple newsam even though she hated the walking around, i bet you fulled my extreme attachment to animals. Life is an unfair game, it really is. Bear died a few weeks ago, he passed in his sleep. A heart attack, just like you. He was such an amazing dog. You probably already know but he developed Addisons Disease back in August. We couldn’t get his meds in as lockdown had us stuck inside. He hadn’t been well the past few days, falling over, his hind legs stopped working randomly. I was expecting it to happen. When i received the news i didn’t cry because of it, i only cried after realising he was really gone. Nothing i haven’t gone through before! You already know that. If i’m not planning on spending the next three hours typing this out i’ll cut it short. It’s 1:05 in the morning and i really should be trying to get some rest. I hope you’re having a good time wherever you are now. Don’t worry, i’ll always be your Scarbut.