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i'm not a huge social butterfly who reaches out to everyone at every second of the day, but i'm extroverted- i like people and etc. whatever else extroverts do.
i'm not really introverted, but i love my alone time. it's rare that i feel super lonely when i'm alone.
i have friends, but they're not concentrated in one place or area like school or sport - a result of moving a lot.
i would never trade my life/experience for something else, but everything has it's pros and cons.
at my current school (in person), it's small. about 50 kids in my grade, but i'm only "more than acquainted and almost friends but not really" with a handful of people.
i've been at this school for over a year. if you ask them, "what is _my name_ like?"
they'd say something on the lines of, "quiet. smart. good at their sport. kinda funny. kinda weird. nice. oh and uhhh quiet."
which is hilarious because i'm not shy. it's true though, i'm quiet at school.
key phrase: at school.
part of me wants to change this "reputation" but part of me isn't prioritizing it. do i really need to? eh, not really. i could go into much better and deeper detail for your better understanding, but i don't need to.
overall, independence is great. of course, i miss being apart of even a 3 person group or having that best friend. my "best friend" doesn't really reciprocate the same energy. they're more introverted and keeps to themselves. it's hard sometimes. it really is.
but it's okay. i feel like i'm friends with everyone but i'm not friends with everyone, at the same time.
OH i got it: jack of all trades master of none, but make it a friendship version.
perks of being a lone wolf:
- you get to do things when you want, how you want
- you move at your own pace
- there's more but i can't remember
- i can study without much distraction
- conserve energy
- social distancing is a walk in the park
- stay out of drama
- less distractions in my faith
- i don't cheat on hw or tests through friends like half the school does- i genuinely study, which is good in the long run.
the gray area of being a lone wolf:
- having to do partner or group work is literally a fun game of "who am i gonna work with"
- walking alone to the next class (vibing to music in my headphones sometimes)
- not really invited to anything outside of school
- people complain about not being someone's 1st choice, but i'm literally the person people make small talk with so that they don't look like a "loser" for standing alone
cons of being a lone wolf:
- no one is genuinely interested in being in a real conversation.
- basically no one is interested in talking about each other's interests
- people have misconceptions about me
- no one to be hype with when it comes to spirit weeks or school dances
- i've tried to get to know people and for them to get to know me, but it ends up being one sided- they "use me" as their energy source for attention.
lowkey conflict but it's not really a priority: i have put myself out there over and over again, but i've decided not to go down the "try hard" route and to just be myself. i just don't think people want to have anything to do with me. which is.... not great, but it's okay :)
it's a little heartbreaking when i try to talk to people and they give me the fakest smiles and most shallow replies. it's a little heartbreaking being a genuine person in a room full of cliques and secrets and gossip and inside jokes and trends.
but it's okay. Jesus is always right next to me. at the end of the day, it's all meaningless.
plus, i have a few chapters to annotate, writing prompts to answer, verses to memorize, a bible outline to do, and hopefully 5-6 hours of sleep to get- why get so caught up in things/people that i cannot "control" ?
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My dad says there aren't many people like us, daughter. We can turn off and on our anger whenever we like. We bottle our anger up and use it on whoever we like....
..”it's a little heartbreaking when i try to talk to people and they give me the fakest smiles and most shallow replies. it's a little heartbreaking being a genuine person in a room full of cliques and secrets and gossip and inside jokes and trends.
but it's okay. Jesus is always right next to me. at the end of the day, it's all meaningless.”
When you said all that, I agree and I can relate. This is how it is at work for me. Not all days, but as of recently it’s been happening a lot. I have 3 co-workers who are always laughing, gossiping, whispering, and speaking their foreign language when I’m not too close to them. When I come near them, they all get quiet 🤫 then they act like there’s nothing to say. Sometimes I feel like I’m in kindergarten all over again.. it’s unbelievable. what to do in this situation?
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