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Dear Parents,
I know you love me a lot and i cant express to you how much i love you and never want to loose you, but i really need a break from all the stress. Most of my stress is gone but everytime i think about the lockdown i realise that i never should have gone through that as a 13 year old. I was only young and everyone made it seem as if year 8 was the most important year. I get that it helps me towards year 12 but the marks dont effect year 12 and my atar score. I would cry myself to sleep knowing that whenever i tried to get my feelings out youd make me feel as if i was overreacting and only thinking about myself. I had so much homework and couldnt take it so i started to loose my motivation to get up early. I would stay up very late because i was alone and didnt have people telling me that i was dissapointing for my actions. I would watch my favourite youtubers because they made me feel as if they were proud of me and what id gone through. I am not suicidal, but during that time i did have a few times where all i did want to do was leave because of how much of a dissapointment i was. I lost all my motivation to do anything, i would sleep through classes. My friend would want to go on walks and bike rides but since i was sleeping i didnt see and all the time id promise i would go the next day but the next day i wouldnt have any motivation to do anything. I wouldnt do my work and get anywhere from 55% below. Teachers would constantly call my mum saying i was asleep which would make her even more mad and call me and tell me i was stupid and dissapointing and whenever i tried to tell her how i felt shed make it seem like all the stress was my fault. My dad would come home and id be asleep cause i was very tired and he would yell at me making me overwhelmed because i had just woken up. I always waited for it to be night time so i could just be alone in my room. My sister would come in my room and tell me that i was stupid and dumb for not getting up and this went on for 6 months. Now almost a year later i realise how i should have never gone through that as a 13 year old. i had new massive science assignments every week, i had so many practise esssays and real essays, i had all these foods i needed to cook, i had chinese assignments, i had to perform dramas infront of my teacher, i had maths chapters to do, i had all these excersizes i needed to do. but when i tried to explain my point of view id be shut out and said i was dumb. i was 13. i want to go and tell my 13 year old me that i was doing an amazing job. I had gone through the first biggest downfall in my life so far and i was only 13. 13 year olds should be doing 13 year old things. not sit in their beds at night crying over loud music and trying to make sure no one heard them. I now come to realise i am strong and pulled through that. I know this was a year ago but i still hurt from this because i remember how i felt i only now just realise how strong i was for getting through that. thank you for reading
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