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Hi so I have a best friend that I love more than I could ever love anybody. She loves me back the same way. We have an incredible relationship but sometimes it feels... too good. Neither of us wants to tell each other when we're upset because then the other person will stop telling us when they're upset. We always wanna help eachother but don't wanna put our pain on to each other. The result is that we don't open up too much. I've opened up a few times recently and I noticed something. Whenever I talk to her about something that hurts or some pain i've been feeling, the conversation ends with us talking about her. Something about her always comes up and I'm the one comforting her in the end. I wanna talk to her about this but she already has so many insecurities and I don't want her to hate herself more. Help me.
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dear madie
i wish you understood me a bit more.. i wish you knew how to respond a bit better.. i understand but i feel like u dont try.. I wish you would try to be a bit...
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what do i do..
i have no one to talk to... cant even talk to my own girlfriend... i wish i could.. i have no friends.. yea maybe some to laugh with but never one to really tal...
Just tell her that. Girls are like that in general. If u talk to her and say that she might understand. Just tell her sometimes it should be about me and not u. I do not have a problem if it switches to u sometimes but not all the time, alright? something like that.
ReplyI used to have this issue with my own best friend. I can tell you how I solved that.
I was terrified to tell her she always turned the situation towards her when I needed support. She didn't notice, so I was lucky she took it well. It was also the first time I let her see me cry.
I didn't want to burden her either, but we talked. All relationships need some tweaking by talking.
Just sit her down in a calm environment, with something to occupy your hands, be comfy. And tell her that you feel (very important to show it in a way that doesn't show itself as criticism, it avoids any unnecessary involuntary hurt.) like you end up supporting her when you also need support. That you're happy to support her too, but that she's someone you need support from as well. That you love her, and would like her to be that person in your life.
It's all about timing really. Take turns when it comes to issues and the support. Solve one problem at a time and take time with each person. You need more attention from her, and that's an alright thing to ask for. Remind her it's not a need to always talk about just your insecurities, but that when you ask for support, you focus on that first, and that she can ask for your support and get it just the same.
It's like setting ground rules for a game, so everyone's on the same page, and everyone gets their turn to play.
Good luck!
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