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What a 'Not-So' Perfect Life
1 month ago · · Stress,
I had my beautiful daughter almost a year ago now, and ever since I have had her it has been a crippling battle with my mind. I wake up feeling like I am never good enough, then throw in COVID-19 into the mix... I have had this on again, off again with the father of my child for 6 years. I can't bear myself to leave yet. I think that's also a reason for my anxiety. Well, I don't *think*, I know it is a reason. I was forced to quit my good-paying serving job due to the pandemic. Which then spiraled into these odd temp-service jobs, and now I work as a security officer doing the same mundane thing over and over. Then add on top of that, trying to raise a baby.
It's so difficult to wade through my thoughts, and I feel like none of this will make sense but I don't really care for once. Ha. Anyways.
I paid my second cousin to prepare my taxes, and this year was supposed to be big for me. Considering I had my first child and I was on unemployment for the better half of 2020. I was supposed to be getting close to $8,000. Well, turns out my cousin entered my banking information INCORRECTLY on my return. So now I have to be on a wild goose chase looking for my missing check. My mom of course is no help in allowing me to vent to her as in her words this is a "life lesson".
Is all of this just a big life lesson? The past year has just been a lesson? It is starting to feel like my life is a big mistake. I'm not very religious but sometimes i do pray. I don't exactly know what I'm praying to, but I guess it's an agnostic's form of manifesting.
So I guess if you have made it this far in my awfully written venting and crying session you deserve a gold star. And like me, you might be smoking the biggest 'feel-better' blunt of your life. JK. (maybe?)