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I had my beautiful daughter almost a year ago now, and ever since I have had her it has been a crippling battle with my mind. I wake up feeling like I am never good enough, then throw in COVID-19 into the mix... I have had this on again, off again with the father of my child for 6 years. I can't bear myself to leave yet. I think that's also a reason for my anxiety. Well, I don't *think*, I know it is a reason. I was forced to quit my good-paying serving job due to the pandemic. Which then spiraled into these odd temp-service jobs, and now I work as a security officer doing the same mundane thing over and over. Then add on top of that, trying to raise a baby.
It's so difficult to wade through my thoughts, and I feel like none of this will make sense but I don't really care for once. Ha. Anyways.
I paid my second cousin to prepare my taxes, and this year was supposed to be big for me. Considering I had my first child and I was on unemployment for the better half of 2020. I was supposed to be getting close to $8,000. Well, turns out my cousin entered my banking information INCORRECTLY on my return. So now I have to be on a wild goose chase looking for my missing check. My mom of course is no help in allowing me to vent to her as in her words this is a "life lesson".
Is all of this just a big life lesson? The past year has just been a lesson? It is starting to feel like my life is a big mistake. I'm not very religious but sometimes i do pray. I don't exactly know what I'm praying to, but I guess it's an agnostic's form of manifesting.
So I guess if you have made it this far in my awfully written venting and crying session you deserve a gold star. And like me, you might be smoking the biggest 'feel-better' blunt of your life. JK. (maybe?)
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100% smoking right now. Im only 18 and have no idea what you are going through but Life is so fucking shitty im just smoking my days away. And wasn't it just January like what the fuck?
ReplyLOL I love your energy. (Even tho you seem sad) the best thing I can say to you is keep it pushing. I believe one day you can make it out and look back at these times and feel blessed. At the end of the day just remember you have a beautiful child at home waiting for your hugs and kisses so don’t feel to hopeless.
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