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Let me tell you guys a story. (its either not complete or u can consider it as a "not-a-happy-ending story).
It is about how someone came to my life unexpectedly and became one of the most important person in my life (gonna be a long story... very long).
The main character of this story is my guy best friend.
The story begins 3 years and 11 months ago. Mom's phone was ringing. It was my aunt. She wanted to inform me that there will be a scholarship test for students of class 10. But it was the last day to apply for the test and the registration stops in the evening. It was already late and the registration site closed while i was paying the fees. They notified me that im not allowed to sit for the exam. But, then i got a message from the bank that the fees was already paid. So, when i contacted the officials, they allowed me to write the exam. It was mere luck that i was allowed to write the exam, in which i was selected. That was it, when destiny took its first step to bring my bestfriend into my life.
But the institution to which i was selected was a little too far from my home and we had classes through out summer. So my parents arranged a private minivan, in which 10-12 students would go.
On april 20, our classes started and it was the day when i met him for the first time. It was a pleasant summer morning. I boarded the van and i saw him, my bestie. He was with 3 of his friends . He was cute, not like a manly charm. He was cute like a 6 year old kid with a inch of innocence in his eyes. (was that a little too much? im just trying to make this look like an actual story). Anyways, I went to my class and saw him there too. He was really active in the class and teachers liked him a lot. But I felt like he was being oversmart. Anyways, I didnt care how he was. On the way back home, he was sitting right infront of me, yet he didnt even look at me. I felt like he was giving me attitude, so, we didnt talk that day. In short, on the the first day we met, i actually didnt like him at all. The next day and also the day after that we didnt talk.
Finally, on April 23rd, my another friend (girl) decided to talk to him and his friends. We thought, as we are classmates as well as "travel-mates", we should be friends. We talked for the first time, he was not that bad. (i celebrated April 23 as our friendiversary for the last 3 years).
As days passed, we became good friends. There was something special about "us". He was the first guy with whom i started to talk freely and comfortably in just a few days f knowing each other. We had an instant connection.
At that time, my parents were thinking about changing my school after that vacation, but I hated that idea. When my G (i will call him G for now) got to know about this and he called my parents and convinced them to transfer me into his school. I still dont know why he did that, at that time, we were not even close friends.
Then i went to his school, MY SCHOOL... his close friends became my friends. finally, they all became an irreplaceable part of my life. I love them a lot, my crazy stupid pals. Then i began to have a crush on my G. But it only lasted for 1-2 months. As our friendship grew stronger and stronger, i realised that this "best" friendship is the most beautiful relationship in my life.
Most of the time we were together. We were deskmates too. Saturdays and sundays , we went for coaching together, plus late night calls. In short, we were together in all the seven days of a week. There were a lot of rumours about us. Everyone, including our friends and teachers thought that there was something going on between us. But none of that affected our friendship. We never wanted to change anything between us, it is too good as it is (atleast i thought so, at that time).
We had a great time together. There are a lot of memories, how we used to have fun during english lectures.. our tour... how we two, with our friends, sat around a small table and shared our lunch.. how we hid from our principal, so that we dont get caught for entering other class to see our friends there (you know, as in movies)... how our whole gang was thrown out of class for not doing homework (actually i did, but he hid my book so that i can accompany him to get punished)... how we used to fight everyday... how he irritated me. If i start to share my memories with him, i wont be able to complete it in this post. Everyday, we will have atleast one story to keep in our good memories list. He is the best thing that ever happened to me. Our friendship is very very special for me. When im stressed, he is the one who knows how to handle me, my mood swings etc. I guess, im also the one who understand him better than anyone. He is willing to listen to all my tensions and i love to listen to his stories. I can listen to him for hours. He used to tell me every single thing that happened that day. At times, i feel like we are staying in one home, because we know everything about each others life, family and everything.
But, bad times were waiting for me. He was super good in studies and i was also kind of okay. He always got first and i was also able to make it upto the top 5. We graduated from school with good results. Our school life came to an end. I didnt know how was i gonna manage myself, without seeing him everyday. But, things went smooth as we both were busy in preparing for our entrance exam. He passed, but i didnt. I already knew that i was not gonna crack it in the first attempt, so i was not that sad. I decided to spent one more year preparing for it. He went to college and made a lot of new friends. I was really insecure about it, that i will lose him. Eventhough he forgets about me at times, he tried his best to keep our friendship alive.
Now, its time for the worst part of the story. For my second attempt for the entrance exam, I was terribly sick on the day of exam. I was hospitalised the day before exam. So, i couldnt perform well and failed for the second time. That made me really depressed, so much depressed that i even thought about suicide. But my family and my bestfriend supported me, motivated me to try once again. Im still preparing for the exam and novni is the place where i release my stress.
He was still in contact, but now, i feel kind of inferior to him, i felt like he was doing everything out of sympathy. Thats how, my stupid mind started to ruin our friendship.
One night, i saw a dream. He failed in his exams, and he was asked to right the entrance exam once again ( actually, it is impossible), and i was not sad for his failure. That dream made me feel terrible. I mean, i used to think that i was a sincere friend who was always happy for her friend's success. I never in my life felt jealous about his achievements. But, this dream made me question my sincerity. I felt like, my failure has affected my sincerity for our friendship. I wanted to tell him about this dream, as i never hide anything from him, but i couldnt tell. I started to hate myself.
Now, my another thought that has the power to ruin our friendship. After the results came out, i was kind of weak, mentally. He was the one who motivated me the most. During this process, i started to develop feelings for him. I dont think that i can call it love. I might have felt so because i was desperate for someones love. I really dont know. I dont want to fall in love with him. Actually, he is kind of a person with whom, every girl will fall in love. Even though i had a crush on him in the past, i never let that feeling grow because i know that he will never feel the same. At times, i feel like, i have loved him all this while, but was afraid to accept the truth. I dont know. Anyways, i knew one thing for sure, i should never let him know about my feelings.
So, i took a really big move. I ENDED OUR FRIENDSHIP. I know, this sounds crazy. I wrote him a letter that i wanted to concentrate in my studies and talking to him was distracting me. I blocked him on phone. Due to covid restrictions, he couldnt even come to my home. He tried to contact me through my family, but i refused. Later he stopped trying. Either he was done with me or as i mentioned earlier, he had a lot of new friends, so my absence might not matter to him. I know that it was a little harsh to walk out of his life without giving him a genuine explanation, but, this was something that should be done. I mean, if i continued our friendship, he would soon find out about my feelings. And i was scared that our friendship will have a terrible ending. I think, ending our friendship like this was better. I believe that after some time i might be able to move on from him completely and then go back to him to recover our friendship, that way, he will never know that i was once in love with him.
I dont know wht i did was right or wrong. But thats it. Its been 4 months since we talked. I dont know if he misses me or not. But i miss him a lotttt........... There is not even a single day that i dont think about him. I wish to go back to past and change everything. I hope things will be fine soon, because i miss him, i miss him, i miss him............
(PS: Sorry for my bad english. Also, i never read it twice, so sorry for the mistakes, if any)
If you see a comment that is unsupportive or unfriendly, please report it using the flag button.
I dont know if u r right or wrong. But i can understand how hard it is for you.
ReplyWas it really painful vro????
How was u after that day???
Was it same for u like ur regular day or not???
ReplyIt was/is terrible. Friendship breakups are worst than normal breakups. I just lost my bestfriend, my personal diary, my therapist, my advicer, my family, my partner, my everything (may be my first love). Im still not over him.
The worst part is when my old friends, teachers or relatives talk to me after a long time, they all ask about him. I would just tell them that he is fine.
His college friends also text me at times. They dont know about the situation. They are texting me as usual. But im trying to avoid them too. I have never met them as his college is in another city. But they all know me very well. As he used to talk about me a lot and also they would talk to me when he calls me.
Our lifes were so interconnected that its not that easy to separate him from me.
I miss him😣
ReplySorry to ask, what does this "vro" mean? Was that a typing error?
ReplySry
I'm having a habit of writing Bro as vro...!!!
Nothing much serious...!!!
Replyits cool. i doubted it😅
Replyone more qstn 😅. Do you call everyone bro? i mean both guys and girls
ReplyNope so!
ReplyCould u text me here If u r comfortable to do so...!
https://novni.com/letters/read/269356/crazysomeone
ReplyAn update!
https://novni.com/letters/read/269357/crazysomeone
Here!
ReplyWell, you should totally focus on studies because that why you blocked him. Blocking is not the solution and it's harsh too, but yeah forget whatever happened. You should do the thing for which you lost him. Sooner or later there would come a time when you get lots of friends around you. So take your time and leave him where you left him. The moment you are free from such stuff then contact him again it's def difficult to get back with him where you left your friendship but at least work on something better so that you become capable of standing with him as you said you felt inferior. So work on yourself first.
ReplyIm trying my best. Thank you for ur encouragement😊😊
Replyis the entrance ur talking about JEE? come on girl, u should realise that u had to give in your best.
forget this dude for once and all and start studying man
ReplyIts NEET.
Yeah, u r right and im trying too.
Actually, while i was preparing for the exam last year, i was kind of a topper in my coaching centre and just because i got sick, i lost a year. So, its already really depressing and tiring. Therefore, losing my bestfriend right now is a little hard for me to handle.
By the way, please dont think that im sitting heartbroken without doing anything😅. Im sad, but i do study 14 hours a day.
Replyyou got sick and lost a year?!
ohno, hope ur well now... so are you giving neet 2021 ? or opting for some other college.
ReplyIm trying for NEET 2021
ReplyNice.. all the best! Crack it and tell me when u do, I'm also an entrance aspirant but I'm ig 2-3 yrs junior than u
ReplyOk dear😊. Thank u.
Reply