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I met a guy at work , and we’ve been chatting and talking for almost 2 years. We became friends and he confessed that he wanted me to be his girl. I gave him a chance to know me deeply but it wasn’t courting. Everything was casual but he exerted so much effort in the span of 2 years. He was consistent, and that made me feel so grateful to have him in my life. I know that I’m starting to really like him , and apparently he asked me if he could court me just recently. Everything was going fine but something happened. He lied. It was a fun sunday night, our mutual friend and I planned to have a sleepover at my place , and we’ve thought of having a video call in messenger together with this guy that I’m talking about. We tried to call him but he didn’t pick up the call. After a couple of hours he message me and apologized that he wasn’t able to join us. He said he was with his family, and they went somewhere. I heard a lot of stories from him, and he even sent a picture of the place.. But I knew, he was lying that time. I had a gut feeling that he wasn’t telling the truth. And I was right. Our mutual friend confronted him about the picture that he sent to me because she saw how stressed I am as I was really doubting his words. He confessed to us. We got so disappointed of course. His explanation was he was really not in the mood to join our video call that time because they had a small fight or arguments at home. He couldn’t tell the truth just because he doesn’t want us to feel pity about him and affect our mood that day.. He message me in Messenger and even at work but I couldn’t talk to him for 5 days.. I was so hurt and disappointed. I couldn’t understand why he had to lie that much about that thing. I tried to understand his situation and calm myself but I couldn’t tolerate it. For me it was still a lie. After 5 days of figuring out of what I should do, I finally made up my mind. My trust was ruined and I started to doubt my feelings towards him. I was hurt and I frustrated. That small lie ruined everything... He tried to fix it and ask for forgiveness. He wanted to take back what he did to me. He was crying and constantly reminding me that it doesn’t define him as a person. That he is still the guy that I used to know. I was so frustrated so I ended it. After the call, he sent me a song that he personally wrote and sung for me... It was a song asking for forgiveness and understanding. He told me that he will respect my decision and choices even if he’s not included in it anymore... A day has passed and he tried to reach out for me. Telling me how he was really hurt too... I didn’t respond to him anyway..
I let him go that easy because I’ve got trust issues but I also feel this guilt and frustrations that I didn’t try to fight a little bit for us. That all of a sudden all his efforts just vanished. I am still sad right now and couldn’t focus that much at work.
I am still figuring out if what I did is right or if I should have tried to understand where he’s coming from...
I need your opinions or advices guys.
I hope someone will have the time to help me clear my mind right now...
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Omggg it's almost 4 am but I cant go to sleep knowing about this and the fact that no one else has commented to help.
Please please listen to me when I say to at the very least give him another chance. I can understand that you really don't like when people lie but to my understanding, I don't think the lie was that significant. From the context you gave, it seems like It was just because he was a little stressed out about some arguments and he just wasn't in the mood which is okay. We all need some time alone sometimes and I know he definitely didn't mean to hurt you.
You said that he was litterally crying. **he 𝘤𝘳𝘪𝘦𝘥 over you, sis** he 𝘸𝘳𝘰𝘵𝘦 𝘢 𝘴𝘰𝘯𝘨 for you, pleeaaaseee I am literally begging you to take him back. Hes probably hating himself right now for this big misunderstanding. He quite obviously cares about you A LOT and is willing to do whatever it takes to show you that. I can not put into words how much I believe he really really loves you. You seem to really like him too even if you're a bit upset at him. However, I honestly don't think you should be mad at him for what he did. It wasn't like he just didn't want to talk to you for some petty reason, he had a legitimate reason for not joining the call. He was just in a bad mood and needed some time. Understandable.
I'm spending my time writing this because I really truly think that you too would be happy together. Please give him another chance, im sure he can make it up to you if you're really that upset. Please, please 🙏 I know you're disappointed but let him make it up to you.
P.S. please respond to thing if you can because I've been having some weird connection problems lately and some of my comment aren't posting 🥲 I just want to know that you got to see this lol.
ReplyAlso one more thing: I also hate when people lie even if its over something small but I still personally wouldn't want to end a whole relationship over it
ReplyAbsolute facts! LIKE WRITING A SONG? OMG!!!!!!! Take him back immediately. It wasnt even that big of a lie tbh. Sorry to say this but everybody should try to understand his decision. I would never write a song for a girl and if I would she has to be something very very very special. Honestly he deserves the world.
ReplyI feel like I can’t date someone who lies about small things :(((
ReplyAwww... Thanks for this advise! I forgot to include here that I did ask him too if he has a plan to confess about it. I was really upset when he answered no. He even tried to lie about our friend asking him about the pic as to why he had to confess to me. I checked the time he sent his message (confession) versus the time my friend confronted him. It turned out that he was confronted first prior to making a confession to me... He even tried to deny it at first... :((( I was really disappointed at this point again..
ReplyI’ve seen men do crazy things to get back relationships they weren’t interested in preserving when they were in it. Remember that he does not change if you take him back. Decide if the lie is worth this
ReplyLet it go; deal with your trust issues before you ever get involved with anyone again.
I once stayed with someone after I no longer trusted that person - it turned out to be total disaster and I made so many mistakes because I didn't trust.
Courtesy notice: the following includes a reference to a book that contains writings over 2000 years old which are mostly parables about human nature, both vile human nature as well as moral human nature, parables that are meant to teach us to learn and grow. No religion required, and better yet: no public displays of devotion required. Some bullies will label this "trolling", so "change the channel" now if of no interest to you.
1 Thessalonians 5:11
Therefore encourage one another and build each other up, just as in fact you are doing.
ReplyOk not to be nosy, but like what ended up happening..?
ReplyHi @inna, I’m glad that you found time to respond here again.. I really appreciate it!
Anyway, I haven’t talk to him since last Saturday... He sent me a message again last Wednesday.He told me how he wants to fight for me and for his self to change.. He’s asking for another chance. I haven’t respond to him until now... :(
ReplyAh okk 😖 I hope everything goes well tho I think he really likes you :/
ReplyHi! I saw this post while scrolling through the 'need advice' posts and I see that it's been a week since you posted this. Has anything changed? What's going on now? I hope you two have made up now, it just just seems like there was only a minor issue
ReplyHi, I know it’s been 3 months already since I posted here…
Just wanted you to know guys that, I gave him a chance last May… We tried to start over again.. I was glad I did choose to give him a second chance. We were doing fine already , however, just recently, he did tell a lie again while we were talking via phone call… I was sharing my thoughts on social medias when suddenly Twitter was brought up… I asked him if he has one and what username is he using.. I suddenly had a gut feeling that he was not confident to show me his profile. I was so disappointed cause’ I know this might happen. He used to tell me before that He is really a different guy. He is ashamed of his old self… I tried to calm myself when he suddenly said that his phone was lagging, and that he couldn’t accept me right away. I was trying to keep my cool… I felt like I was overthinking this thing again, and this shouldn’t be a big deal… Anyway, on the following day, He sent me a message on Messenger , and told me that, he accepted my request on his Twitter account. He also said that he deleted some of his tweets because he doesn’t want me to see those things. I was feeling a lot of emotions when he said that. I felt like my instinct were always right. I didn’t reply to his messages because I still feel disappointed with what he have done. When I got the courage to ask him about it, he tried to lie again.. His response goes like this: I swear I wasn’t lying… These 5 words hurt me so bad, and I am not sure why… I didn’t talk to him for days. He was so concerned and panicking that he might lose me again. He confessed the truth, anyway…
I am so hurt and disappointed by this.. This should not have been a big deal, right?
ReplyHello~ so glad I checked my notifications today! don't worry about the late reply, it's still appreciated. This is quite the tough situation, I see. I personally wouldn't be too bothered by him not wanting me to see certain posts from a long time ago. People do change over time and you know there's certainly some evidence of that on Twitter lol. I can guarantee that there's some things everyone's said in their past that they regret now. Me and you included. He just wants to give you the best of him. He wants you to think well of him and that does definitely show that he really likes you and wants you to like him back. I would love to try and convince you to stay with him because he sounds like a wonderful guy. You might just not be a good match atm. I do think that if you are that disgruntled with such little things like this, you might just not be ready for a relationship (no offense, that may have come off rude 😅). Do you think there's any specific reason that you are so upset by these kinds of things? It seems like you want complete and total transparency in a relationship. That's understandable to some level. I also value honesty because it makes me feel closer to the person (etc.) but you have to remember that whoever you're with needs some personal space/boundaries too. They might not want to talk about everything especially if it's in the very beginning of the relationship.
ReplyHello~ so glad I checked my notifications today! don't worry about the late reply, it's still appreciated. This is quite the tough situation, I see. I personally wouldn't be too bothered by him not wanting me to see certain posts from a long time ago. I don't think it's a big deal. People do change over time and you know there's certainly some evidence of that on Twitter lol. I can guarantee that there's some things everyone's said in their past that they regret now. Me and you included. He just wants to give you the best of him. He wants you to think well of him and that does definitely show that he really likes you and wants you to like him back. I would love to try and convince you to stay with him because he sounds like a wonderful guy. You might just not be a good match atm. I do think that if you are that disgruntled with such little things like this, you might just not be ready for a relationship (no offense, that may have come off rude 😅). Do you think there's any specific reason that you are so upset by these kinds of things? It seems like you want complete and total transparency in a relationship. That's understandable to some level. I also value honesty because it makes me feel closer to the person (etc.) but you have to remember that whoever you're with needs some personal space/boundaries too. They might not want to talk about everything especially if it's in the very beginning of the relationship.
ReplyLol sorry for having 2 replies I think novni glitched out on me 😅 they both say the same thing
Reply