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My freaking heart freaking hurts and I'm aware it's kind of my fault but what can I do I miss you, all of you actually, I want to talk to you too. I love you. I miss you. I'm kind of regretting it and I know it was for the 'best' but gosh I really want you back at least you. It's hard walking alone, with nobody really close. I mean maybe that would easier if I invested more time in my faith but I'm getting distracted and I'm not doing things right. I hope you're doing better than me. It's like I left the gold for the diamond but I can't even reach that diamond, because I don't put enough effort in. I wish there was a way for me to indirectly send you this but I won't, and there's no way. I really miss you though, and pretty much everybody. Hey, just realized something, this week haven't thought that much about you guys, I think. Not in a sad way at least. I think. I should focus on the future. Funny how I'm writing this and tomorrow it will already be one month without you, amazing you. Second realization, you're already awesome just being you plus you have an extra awesome because you're my friend. Wow. I called you cute not too much because I was shy but I think I did it some times, maybe just one time, which shows that I was comfortable enough to say that to you. I'm not really close enough to say that to anyone now. Kinda sad I know. I want friends. Anyways on that note I'm leaving you. You won't ever see that lol. That's kinda sad too... Back to crying I go. I meant studying. Goodbye, I love you.
Edit: Read a few things (from emails) and I was awfully comfortable before, I don't even know how. I'm not sure I would be able to get comfortable like that again if we restarted again right now. Maybe it would take... 1 day or 2. Knowing myself probably an hour, 30 minutes, no a day. I guess I don't know myself. Please let me not go into an existential crisis. I won't do that thank you. Take care.
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