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I'm 29. After high school I didn't really have friends and I struggled socially. I was morbidly depressed and had anxiety.
But there was a girl I met through someone I went to school with. She studied at uni 3 hours away from me but we always kept in touch and had a lot in common. Geeky, childish and we got along so well. I could always talk to her and she was always there for me.
Then she admitted she wanted to date me but I was seeing someone at the time. But that ended and I kissed her as a surprise when getting on my bus back home. We dated for a year but I ended it because I was in uni and felt it wasnt the best time to have a relationship.
I was lucky that she still wanted to be friends and we spoke often.
She graduated and was talking about moving abroad for work. I got scared about losing her and we got back together. She never went ahead with her plan and we were together for two years.
It ended very ugly and volatile. We screamed and yelled at each other over the other and blaming each other for why we were unhappy and I ended it.
Now during lockdown I can't help but spiral down the rabbit hole of what happened and where it went wrong.
I was immature and didn't take the relationship seriously. I felt like not having friends when j was younger affected me to this day because I put so much effort into trying to make friends at the expense of putting effort into my relationship. I would be on my phone texting when I was with her and it upset her a lot.
She didn't like my friends and openly displayed it with arms crossed, face tripping and one word replies whenever they spoke. She didn't look after herself. She was massively overweight, had bad teeth, didn't see a dentist since childhood and ate garbage.
She graduated and went straight to living with her family and sharing a room with her sister and a night time paper delivery firm. She always complained about not having a career but did nothing to help herself.
I spent so much of the relationship resenting her, her lifestyle and her immaturity towards the silent treatment instead of communicating to me properly. But in hindsight I know what I did wrong. I didn't make the effort to help us or to encourage her and be supportive. I completely forgot about us being best friends and what history we had. We had known each other for 10 years but instead of celebrating that with her that was the year I broke her heart.
I know what happened happened. But me sitting in lockdown with no friends and no sense of community has put me in a bad place. I can't speak to her anymore. She's moved on with a new man and hates my guts.
I just can't believe I tarnished such a long standing friendship. Even if I hadn't made the move on her just being her best friend would have been the best thing that ever happened to me. I miss what we had.
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Now he has a new hobby and slowly getting new friends. While I'm still trying to look for a job.
Keep looking for new things and meet new people. I hope you find your happiness soon.
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