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Dear Ex,
What did I do wrong. Did you just choose a random reason just to leave and for you to be all by yourself? Why couldn't we just talk it out like normal people. Why couldn't you see my point of view like I did with you? I still visit your family. Your niece and nephew have been abandoned sooo many times, that it's my duty to not just drop and leave them too. I'm simply their human. You made me not want to be with any dudes. I've risen my standards. Now it's hella hard for me to find someone new. Music is the only thing that gives me hope that love isn't full of shit. I've tried VERY hard to make and keep you happy, but I've never received the same. No matter what I do it was never enough. You were so sweet, but very cruel out of nowhere. I know I deserve better, but you made me feel like why do I deserve better. Nothing good ever last. All the men in my life aren't in my life. I've always raised myself to not depend on a dude. And I don't. SHIT you couldn't even remember my birthday!! 3 years of on and off you never said happy birthday to me once. It's not hard to remember. I was the one always planning to go out. I literally gave you a warning when you asked me out. You agreed, but was weak as fuck about it. Now I never let one red flag slide with you and you got pissed at the end, because I called you out on your bullshit. Typical men, sorry I mean boys not being able to handle when a gal is putting her foot down. I am sad and mad at you. And you're dead to me.
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I can feel how you've been burned. You're not alone. I know my words are hollow here, but love isn't BS, I can promise you that. Maybe I'm not the best person to say as such, I've been severely hurt too in my endeavors and I've done some hurting of my own. I can own that because I've done a lot of work to change those aspects about me.
Your frustrations are valid and understandable. The only thing I see here that doesn't fit very well is this notion that you've had to build up all these different walls and barriers because of specific people. Leaving me to speculate that you're still hanging onto those shadows. Just to be clear, I'm not blaming you. Just trying to help bring some awareness, that's all.
Because I want you to know what a healthy love is like. You deserve to know. But that also means you gotta put down those shields just a little bit. I'm not saying be a doormat or be ignorant to any red flags. I'm saying leave some room for error. That goes both ways too.
I would encourage you to look inward at the parts that are more angry and hurt and give those parts of you validation. It's ok.
So I've got a few questions I'd like you to think about, if you'll humor me?
What can you learn from this previous relationship?
What was your part in it?
What approach did you use? Was it more geared towards compassion? Or was it more akin to a "warning" sign?
Were any of these boundaries unrealistic? I can't really give any examples because I obviously don't know you, but you do.
Are there any aspects that you may have held too tightly to? This is mainly in regards to what you perceive as red flags and how you went about addressing those issues.
I don't expect you to answer these questions here, even under anonymity these are very personal questions. But you should sit down with yourself and ask these questions.
I might suggest looking into how to set healthy boundaries and how to properly enforce them if you haven't done so yet.
I'd also suggest some research on emotional vulnerability and how to be emotionally available, especially after being hurt.
As a final suggestion, I'd also recommend some self acceptance practices.
Hopefully at least some of these suggestions will help you on your path and help you grow.
ReplyI Can Learn That To Not Let Certain Things Slide. Communication Wasn't There My Previous Relationship. My Part? I Think My Part Was Making Sure He Was Okay. I Kept On Trying To Keep The Relationship Afloat. I Planned Basically Everything. I Continued To Get Let Down, Excuses, & Cancelling. I Didn't Have Any Specific Boundaries Set The First Round, But The 2nd Round Yes. Like If We Were Busy, At Least Let The Person Know That I'm Not Going To Hear From You For Awhile. I Got Intense The 3rd Round Due To Me Not Wanting To Go Through The Same Damn Thing With The Same Dude. It Also Didn't Work. He Gets Mad With Any Negative Thing That Happens. And Then I Realized That He Can't Handle The Most Minor Not Happy And Sunshine Things. I Feel Like Me Not Saying "I Forgive You," Without Saying "It Wasn't Okay." Because When Someone Says "I'm Sorry," People Normally Reply With A "It's Okay," But To Me It Wasn't Okay At All, So I Make Sure To Put That Out There.
And since you're a music goer, I've got a gift for you. I promise, it's not a rickroll
https://youtu.be/ffgATC3-lU8
ReplyI Wish Life Looked Like This Music Video
Reply