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my life was messy.
sometimes i was at my lowest, sometimes at my best. but i cannot keep doing this anymore.
i am tired.
i thought since i am a teenager, my life will finally start to come together. but no... it hasn't.
it's actually falling apart.
i have a good relationship with my family, i guess. a few days ago, i found out i need glasses, so does my mother, and that has been a struggle for me because my father isn't exactly financially rich.
he works everyday tirelessly, just for us, to keep the food on the table, buy us clothes, buy us gifts, everything we need.
i was saving up money for college; then i decided i wanted to buy myself an iPad so I can make animations. but after i found out i need glasses, i've been saving it to help my father.
i only have about 150 saved, from a lemonade stand (i'm not a child i swear), from selling things like homemade stickers, etc.
i want to give it to my father so I can pay it. but i know i can never pay off for everything he has done for me.
i'm so mad at myself. how could i do this? why did i use my phone and laptop so much that im nearly going blind?
why did i watch TV, tiktoks at night, knowing fully well that it affects my eyesight? why am i so careless? why didn't i think of the struggles my father faces when i do these things?
on the other hand, i think it's also from online school. i sit 7 hours a day, extra 3 hours with after school classes, homework and activities.
i know it's not that much of a deal, but i am so sorry, dad. i have let you down. i have not thought of you. im a careless, stupid, ungrateful brat.
i hope you forgive me. i love you, and thank you dad.
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