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1 month ago · · Trauma, · Explicit
Being a people pleaser is the worst. I only found out to be one pretty recently, probably when the pandemic started and I couldn't run away from my thoughts anymore. I'm just no good at letting go, but I'm trying to learn how to. I've made huge progress since i was able to cut off the most toxic people I've met, the ones that really fucked me up. I surely need to learn a lot still, for example, I've been finding myself "trapped" in a situathioship with someone I've met online. We've been hanging out for almost a year now and I've been over this for months, but I always thought " don't throw away this thing yet, give it time, you're both gonna move away to different places next year, keep this casual thing till then, this person is nice with you, never disrespected you and also gave you gifts!!!". but nah I know It's not how it works, I'm just settling for the minimum someone can give. It's not extraordinary, I've just never had the chance to meet a decent person and most of all, he still lied and did wrong multiple times. He's a fwb I needed to let go months ago. I'm here writing this confusing nonsense just to remind myself and whoever needs it, that at the end of the day you may have been nice and cute with anyone but you're still going to feel bad if you are not nice and cute to yourself, if you don't listen to your needs, if you don't speak up or let go when you know you have to. Healing from traumas is hard and a long journey but it cannot start if you don't start trying. It may sound stupid but It's true to me because when I don't listen to my needs, I end up hurting myself and the person I was trying to protect.