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I am in a long-distance relationship with a boy I met online. Normally I wouldn't ever start a relationship with someone I've never seen in real life, but I guess I was feeling like I needed something different. We met on a discord server through mutual friends. It was great for a long time, but then one day he confessed he was feeling depressed and he wouldn't talk to anyone for days. I am okay with him wanting space. I myself don't like it when partners are clingy, but the moment he was actually online and we talked to each other in DMs, he'd just only talk about how much he loved me (even after only knowing each other for like a month) and about how hot and cute I am, which is nice of course (!), but it seemed to be the only thing he could talk about and we never had an actual conversation. Is this a red flag? I've felt like he's just going way too fast, but I confess I've never been one to talk about any problems in a relationship, so I haven't said anything about it and I usually just go along with it.
Well, he's just been kicked off the server for 'being manipulative to people in DMs'. I was really confused since I hadn't experienced anything like that, so I asked the admin and my boyfriend about it. They both gave me a vague explanation. My boyfriend said "spew some suicidal shit to [admin] and it came off as being manipulative". I never knew he was feeling suicidal. But the second thing he said kind off rubbed me the wrong way. He'd been kicked off the server which he'd been a member of for a long time, which doesn't just happen in this server. "It came off as being manipulative" just sounds like he's trying to justify anything he might've done and it sounds a bit... Like gaslighting, I guess. The admin seemed very upset about it, so I'm thinking it must be more than he's telling me. Maybe I'm overreacting, but I'm really worried. I'm starting to think I don't really know my boyfriend that well and now I feel like I can't trust him anymore. On the other hand, even though the admin is a friend of mine as well, I also feel angry at them for some reason. I won't take it out on either of them, of course, because I'm probably just tired and overwhelmed after a long day. I feel betrayed for some reason?? Am I overreacting??
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I think you're expecting too much from an online relationship.
ReplyThis might sound too obvious but really be careful. If you feel like something’s weird or that they are hiding you the truth it might be true. Internet relationships are kinda dangerous and I’m telling you this as someone who’s living a similar situation, and you’re not necessarily overreacting mostly if you feel like they’re hiding something. So idk if you feel like talking to him or you friend about it but I feel like you maybe should
ReplyI think you might be overthinking some things but better be safe than sorry. You can't really know if things are serious unless you've dated for more than a few months when in a LDR. It takes more time because you have to trust that person and trust your gut when you think you know their personality. If you really like him try talking to him about more serious/deep conversations or ask about his day and try to avoid him constantly complimenting you or having shallow convos.
About the Discord group I wouldn't worry about it people have fights on Discord all the time. Always be careful for red flags when you talk to him and when MULTIPLE people warn you about him though. Just try to call him personally more and know what he's like because only you can find out if he's truly toxic or not.
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