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My anxiety is at unbearable levels. I'm running out of money and cigarrettes again. It happend 2 times before and I had to search for half-finished cigarretes on the street because I'm not brave enough to ask people. It was the worst and I promised myself that if I got to that point again I'd end my life.
I guess I'm not gonna get better and have to keep my word
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I've been a cigarette hunter too. It ain't fun, especially once places start wiseing up and put water in the ash cans or simply lock them inside.
I know it sucks but it ain't worth ending it.
As for anxiety, what all have you done to try to cope with it? It must be fairly severe and I'd hazard a guess it's also accompanied by depression for you to he feeling this low.
ReplyThe anxiety I was refering to was thinking about having to hunt for cigs again. But yeah I also have lots of anxiety and depression and possibly other undiagnosed dissorders.
ReplyI have tried self help books and other free online resources. Getting a free psicologist is hard.
ReplyOk, I'm gonna respond here, didn't realize both topics were yours.
So let's start off, your story sounds very similar to what I was doing with my life back in my late 20s.
I was living with my mom or with my brother, sorta bouncing in between.
My mom would scrounge up a few bucks here and there to buy me packs every now and again and every time I felt horrible for it. Because my mom and stepdad only had one income, plus they were already supporting me by letting me stay rent free. I had to resort to hunting for the majority of the time.
Even when I lived with my brother, he absolutely despises smoking and still, he would occasionally help with a pack or two every month. Even though he barely had money to his name.
I tell you all of this because I do understand. During this time in my life i hadn't had a job for over 4 years. I had no source of income. So i was at the whim of whatever would happen all the time. Topped off with tons of trauma, losing one son before he was born and another son being taken away from me by his mother after she skipped state. I wasn't in a very good spot.
Now, onto your issues.
First off, if you've got someone paying $8 for a pack every now and again, I might suggest swapping over to rolling your own cigarettes. You can get a basic set up for around $40 (which would include a cigarette roller [you can decide if you want one with a rolling apron or a pull back, personally I recommend a pull back as aprons tend to tear], 2 boxes of 200 cigarette tubes and a 1lb bag of tobacco) which should last you roughly a month to a month and a half depending on how frequently you smoke.
If you can, I'd suggest plasma donation. In most places you can get on average of $35-40 per donation and usually you'll get a bonus for the first 2 or 3 donations. I won't get into the process and everything just in case it's something you're unwilling to do or not able due to circumstances but if it is an option for you, I'd highly recommend it.
Also, I'd ask if there are any day labor agencies around your area. While you can't use the experience on a resume, it can put money in your pocket.
In regards to your anxiety, you said you've read some self help books. Now did you ACTUALLY implement any of the advice you got from any of those books?
You've obviously got access to the internet. So I'm going to suggest you look up some calming techniques for anxiety. Meditation is going to be the biggest factor in your effort to cope with that anxiety.
If you can't afford a therapist, are there any local programs that can help subsidize the cost? Or are there any that offer services on a sliding scale?
What area do you live in? I'm not asking for specifics. Country, city, or state will do fine.
If you happen to live in the US, there are probably a few programs you likely qualify for.
So don't think you're down and out just yet. There may be options, you might just need to look at bit harder.
ReplyAnd as figures my comment gets auto flagged. It'll be back up in a few hours.
I apologize for the inconvenience.
- HEY CHRIS, OR ANY MOD, A LITTLE HELP HERE
ReplyI don't know whats happening there why your comments get flagged. I hate that censorship. Users and mods always getting triggered for an opinion. But that's another story.
You are right there are options. I'm in Argentina so i don't think there is much test for labs or plasma donations I can apply around here. I will have to look into it. But there is community and goverment programs to get food, clothes and maybe some personal hygiene items. There's even a program where you get a 4h job for half the minimal wage. The problem is getting into this programs. I have to go to several places, filling forms or even getting contacts.
This year I lost track of any of those programs and I would have to start again. And having no smartphone and no whatsapp I lost some of the groups I was in.
It feels like too much effort for a crappy life but I guess I should start all over again if I don't want to die.
I tried some of the self help books advice. I even tried meditation. It is not for me. Maybe for some people it works but for me it feels like I'm just sitting around while all the problems in life are still out there
Thanks for the talk. It kinda help make think about my options. I hope it helps you too with yours... if your posts don't get removed :)
Replyi think the mods are just slow sometimes because they only have a few volunteers. my comments usually show up eventually (i'm not OP)
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