What are you looking for?
9 months ago · · Motivational, · Explicit
It hadn't become quite clear to me until someone pointed out to me, that something has changed in how I think and thus, how I write.
The observation was innocent and kind, unknowingly setting off an awareness alarm in my brain and I had to take just a moment to actually take a step back and look at it.
What is this? Could it really be??? Has my journey really changed my perception that much?
Whereas, if you could go through all my posts, just 4 months ago I was completely bleak, my mind was a desolate wasteland. Long burnt down by the waging wars over the decades.
And even to this day, I do still have those conflicts arise. Though something has changed. I don't look at it in the same way. Being defeated, worthless, hopeless, in pessimism.
That is something that has been slowly changing in me since my experience about 2 months ago.
First, I became aware of everyone. I saw humanity as a whole and all the way down to each individual and I won't go into detail about it here, but what I saw was nothing short of the most beautiful thing I've ever conceived. I began to see you.
Then, as my attention slowly shifted, I started wanting to help those who struggle as I have. So I started providing support and advice where I could. Maybe some didn't always agree with me, maybe no one actually took my advice, but I was trying and that was what mattered.
Then, I began taking small steps to take back control if my life. I'm still learning to get out of my depressive funk and I'm slowly getting better and faster at it.
And that brings me to this awesomely beautiful change that had gone unnoticed to me. For the first time in my entire life, I've been being optimistic!
That is a HUGE change for me. I've always held more negative views in higher regard and rarely ventured into optimistic territory outside of video games and card games. Very fleeting, temporary, circumstantial occurrences.
And in some way, it's actually hard to really grasp the idea that yes, my brain is actually producing thoughts that aren't solely based around self condemnation, self loathing and suicide. Major difference.
And I can't help but think to myself, considering the utter shit I've been through in life, if I can get to this point, then so can you.
Yep, this ain't all just me boasting about my recent progress. I want you to know that it is possible for you to do this too, you can find this but it's going to take some hard work if you're down and out, in the same holes I've frequently fell down.
You're not alone, and it can get better. Even as bad off as your life may feel and if you'll let me in, tell me what ails you, I might just be able to help you find some hope to.
Because you deserve it, because I love you. So what do you say? I won't lie, it won't be easy, but just maybe I can give you some of my tools. So we can lift each other up.