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Advise badly needed
1 month ago · · mental health,
Hi guys, I badly need your support and advise. I live in a country where it's not normal to seek out a psychologist or go to support meeting, otherwise you will be labelled as mentally unstable and can negatively impact your future jobs and relationships. That's why I chose to vent in here...
I can't remember the exact time when this first started but it's been more than a year. I always feel sad and blue for no reason at all. There are times that I'm happy but it's a fleeting feeling followed by complete emptiness. I go to sleep at night wishing that I don't wake up and get disappointed every time morning comes.
I have no valid reason to be feeling this way. I have a loving family who always got my back and would support me no matter what decisions I make. I was never short on love as my parents and sister made sure to spend quality time with me everyday. I got loving pets that would be there as my emotional support. My health is also in perfect condition despite the pandemic.
I have a boyfriend that I've been with for the past 9 years. We get each other and he would treat me with so much respect and love that will make anyone admire him. I love spending time with him. He makes me feel that I'm enough despite all my insecurities.
I have a job that pays really well (with tons of benefits to make sure that money is never the problem). It's something that I'm really good at. I never liked my job but I love the people that I work with even my boss/superiors. I even got promoted with my projects recognized and awarded as one of the best. I always get above average or superior ratings for my performance despite me procrastinating about every task I have to handle. I feel like I'm just giving my bare minimum at my work but somehow colleagues always say that I deliver beyond expectations.
But here's my problem...
I ALWAYS feel lazy to do even the most simple task such as eating, drinking or even taking a bath. I ALWAYS feel tired even when I just woke up. This past few days, it's gotten worse. I've been absent from my work without notice for several days now because I don't want to even move from this sofa (I'm at a work from home scenario but I can't even seem to do that).
There are days I couldn't sleep because my mind is worrying about things that is not even happening. There are days when I can't seem to get enough sleep (12 or more hours spent just sleeping). There aren't even traumatic things that I encountered. I just had a normal childhood from a loving home.
I always get irritated and shout at my family and boyfriend when all they do is support me. I can't control my temper...zzzzzzzzz
How the hell do I stop being lazy? How do I stop being sad when I don't even know what is causing it? How do I stop this uncontrollable rage that is bubbling inside me waiting for the next victim that I can release it onto? (don't worry, I'm not talking about killing anyone, just looking for someone I can pick a fight with)
All your advise are welcome. Put me out of my misery