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-so yeah its 3 finally years, I am doing this job which I am not interested. I literally wasted 3 years thinking that something magical will happen, every problem of mine will be solved, I will change my career, I will get my love, everything will be sorted out. Trying different chantings, prayers, different meditations ,different law of attractions etc etc but you know nothing work!. People say "Everything happens for a reason". but now I believe this phrase is just to convince yourself that you are ok. it is like to fool them self by telling them that they are ok but it is not like that.
-So yeah in these 3 year I learned that why relationships are important and how we have to maintain it. Why it is good to keep balance between career and relations. also why we should value friends. because we only value people after they left. and that will too late to get things right.
-So in past years, to focus on career I never give importance to relationships and friends. but when I lost my career track now I don't have that good old friends nor good career.
- In last 3 years I tried different competitive exams but failed in every exams. I thought whatever is happening, happening for something good so I decided to do job in some good company so I will not have to work here where I am not happy and not getting respect. so I start giving interviews in good companies but never get selected. so with blank heart I sacrificed my dreams and again start giving interview to small companies for change and never get chance their too.
- So in last 3 years, college's popular boy is now struggling and failed in everything. he have no good friends, no career and no peace left he has only heartbreaks left. so now every day's first thought and last thought is just some regrets and sadness for not getting opportunities :(
-I was having backups of my plans but now that backup plans are also failing. Earlier I get good respects and love from others but I was dumb ,stupid and idiot I never give them good respect and now when I realize I am just regretting. I wish there is one time machine so I can go back in past and correct my decisions.
I was never person who gets jealous of others but now looking others settling getting married and having fun makes me sick ... I am burning like hell I am still struggling for get an opportunity and people already build theirs.
Listing motivational video or song definitely help me for specific time but it no long last and it is not solution.
Anyway I know this lines are not in order and not making sense to you but I just want to write and share so I did. I hope some magic happen and everything gets good for me :>
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ReplyI felt that, though I'm much younger still in school but i really really did feel that, the feeling that everything was good at some point, then everything failed, and you feel like you failed it, but that's not the case, i kept hoping for magic to happen and somhow I'll stop being depressed and I'll stop cutting, but it didn't come, i kept hoping for it for too long and it didn't come at all, but then I decided I don't need and that I'll try to do it on my own, I started getting better and better, back then o was a bad daughter but i was able to improve and become a better one, what they say about "everything happens for a reason "isn't completely wrong, but you should understand it in many other ways, you learned that you need to look after relathionships even if you're working, and that's the reason that all of this happened for, of course it's not the only reason, but you need to know that life is litterally a battle field, you need to learn, fight and win, so take a deep breath, take a day to organise your thoughts, ask your family about their opinion even if it seemed hard for you what they're saying, don't just rely on magic, don't just watch inspirational videos, be your own magic, it sounds tough, and it is trust me, but it'll make your life easier and you'll get better
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