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I am literally in a dilemma. I don't know what is exactly going in my mind. I have to be productive, dance, do my work, learn them softwares, take care of my skin, focus and love myself but I DON'T. Like I am focused on wanting friends, seeing my dms filled with my friends and stuff, craving attention so much but don't want others to know about it cuz i have my own dignity. I try to be relatable to people so that they can talk to me. Now that I am typing it out, it feels so wrong. Why am I so obssessed about others other than myself? Why am I not taking rational decisions which may be tough on me in the beginning but work for my best? Why am I feeling lazy to do anything in uni? Like wtf. I am supposed to be doing things to.....All the videos i watch where people are resetting their routine,....social media is annoying. I feel so.....confused. So many things are going through my mind. Like I try to digital detox but there is always this constant fear of missing any info from my uni or stuff and this is isn't the right time cuz everything is going online so I can't really quit social media. I know people can be like take a break from it. Take a break and do what?! Like i literally feel so purposeless and I am stuck in this endless vicious cycle of not doing things and then regretting not doing anything which makes loose the interest to do anything. I want to ask for advice but then again even after reading all your sweet nice advices there is a 99% possibility I won't follow or even listen so this would just be a rant. I am not even willing to drink water, don't feel hungry or thirsty, don't wanna take a bath. and then I look at myself in the mirror in disgust because of what I have become. But sometimes, even in those times when I look absolutely uglier than I ever was, I look at myself in the eye and feel like this is most beautiful face even though I have flaws. My eyes are so captivating. my face shape is small and perfect and lips so plumpy and nice and all those pimples and rashes come together like an art piece on my face. This is how I beautiful I feel about myself. Why can't I make the effort to love myself like this when it comes work too? Or the question is not supposed to be WHY but WHEN?
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Hi! You've done a great job and you'll always do it. Keep going and good luck!
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