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That day, the day that should be the best day ever was becoming the worst day ever for me. I'm not sure that anyone could understand my feelings. The time that i wanted to replay the time. No one was coming nor cheering me up, except my mom and sister. They said that everything would be okay, it was nothing. What i was more dissapointed was to see them dissapointed to me. It made me sorry. After that, my dad came from his work. The first word he said was, "i told you to apply to UNDIP or UNS first, but you didnt hear me. Look, you're failed now." Was I hurted? TOTALLY yes. Time that i hoped i could get more cheers becoming worse. No wonder, he's such a bastard for me, mom, and sister tho.
I obviously know that this is nothing than anyone else's life. But it's already very hard for me. They said i'm brave, they said i can get everything i want, they said i'm lucky. But i'm actually not. They just say what they see, not the reality. I've been getting so many hard times and crying at the midnight.
I went to my school after the SNMPTN announcement. I met a teacher who I talked with him then. He advised me to study well in SBMPTN. Then he said to me, "dont take a major just because it's popular.". His word hurted me. Why? 'Cause i did choose that major with a great reason. My childhood was full by thought of wanting to be a doctor. But he easily said the word.
Anyways, I've thought about it for a long time, so i'm very ready now. Dont be dissapointed to me, because you broke me first. You know, i never start anything i'm not sure about. I'm already out of confidence now. I'm pretty sure you may be happy now because of my death. Yeah, you're right. You save at least $6000 of not paying for my education in university. You can use the money to get a wonderful vacation or buy delicious food, your dreamy bycycle, and cars. You dont need to think and be afraid of my life because i'm already saving it. Thank you for being aside me for the last 18 years. Sorry for not showing you a great job. I hope you all have a nice life. For you mom, and sister, i love you more than anything.
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Nothing will be accomplished with this action. You will return again with similar challenges (opportunities to learn and grow). Life is a school, of sorts, to learn stuff and then use what have learned to help others. The self that you are feeling sorry for is not the real you. The real you goes about the business of discovering and revealing your perfection. You and I and everybody else are individual aspects (points of view) of the one Consciousness. We do not have Life, we are Life. We are what Life is doing right here, right now like splashing water drops with its waves is what the ocean is doing. Every encounter we have is an opportunity to go with this flow and not resist it. This is your wake up call.
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