What are you looking for?
Featured Topics
Select a topic to start reading.
If you are in crisis and need immediate help, please call 1-800-273-8255 (NSPL) or text TEEN to 839863 (Teen Line). More resources.
Hello. Today is April 11.
April 9 is one of my radiant days in April. It's been almost 3 weeks that day since I talked with honey. I had very little hope that he would call. But he did. As soon as I saw heard his voice, I went to the bathroom, sat on the toilet and just cried. I'm still not sure why I cried like that. And it wasn't a silent cry. I would've made sobs if he couldn't hear me.
Did I really miss him that much? I know he's just there cause he was bored. I know I'm not special to him as he is to me. So why did I waste my tears that night?
I was being careless. He found out I've been having suicidal thoughts again. He was so sweet to me. And I cried again. I just wish he ignored what I said because he seemed worried. I want him to say goodbye and have a good day. He wanted me to assure him that I will not do anything silly. He suggested that we should talk everyday so that I won't have to think about ending my life at night before I go to bed. I agreed and then hesitated soon after. I told him I need to deal with it on my own. It made him glad that I'm a strong person. I didn't know how to respond to that, so I just said I'm glad too. I knew that deep inside, I got scared of what he said. Now my silly heart will think that he admires me as a person. I don't want that. I need his words to be just kindness and compassion and nothing else. His affection will just make me sob even more.
The next time we talk, I want to talk less about me. I want us to just be our witty, silly selves. I would laugh and he would smile. I want him to have a good day. I want him to stay motivated and happy. I want him well in life.
When we were about to say our goodbyes, he told me I should do 10 positive things and share them with him when we talk again. My heart was just in awe of the concern he showed me. It scared me at the same time. It was something unfamiliar. No one has ever been sweet to me like that. Why does it have to be him to do that first? Maybe he does care for me. He's such a good person, and I keep telling my self I shouldn't mistake his goodness for affection. I mean, who would not show goodness to a suicidal girl?
If you see a comment that is unsupportive or unfriendly, please report it using the flag button.
More Posts
-
May i ask you anything?
Hi, It is me again. I have a question i would like to ask you. Why are you so different over text? . At school you can't even say hi to me, and just barely...
-
Should I tell someone I like them if...
There's this friend of mine. I don't know if I have a crush on them. I guess I've been afraid to entertain the idea. We're not even that close. And they have a...