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1 month ago · · Stress,
Lately, everything makes me anxious. I'm about to be seventeen and I just feel that everyone is advancing ahead while I stay behind. I understand everyone goes at their own speed and everyone's different, but man, nothing has ever been normal when it comes to me.
I've always been an anxious person but have been able to cover it up. I like to consider myself generally social and friendly, so I guess I've gotten to the point where I'm able to mask my anxiety, but dude, trauma is starting to surface. Ever since last year when Covid began, I've had to face many truths about myself, one of which is social anxiety. It honestly sucks because I want to get over it and just be how I used to be. I was able to control it.
Nowadays, I feel out of control about everything. My friendships, relationships with family, and my future. I'm working on taking driver's ed soon, but my family doesn't have a car so it's been a slow process. I worked during the summer and in the fall/winter months to save up some money, so I have it, I just have to figure everything out. The idea of driving in general scares me a lot. I get anxious when I think about it, and honestly, I don't know how to help myself.
I know it's not normal to feel these things and it's most likely genetic, as my mom has anxiety. The surfacing childhood trauma has not been helping much either... I just wish someone would understand. I just wish someone would be compassionate. I really am trying. My dad's side of the family is all pushing me to just do it, and figure it out, but It's hard because I have to figure out transportation and stuff.
I just feel stuck. I want to grow up and move forward, but man... It's hard. I'm on a waiting list for therapy and have been for months, and truthfully, I don't think it's going to happen anytime soon. Damn... Thank you if you made it this far, I appreciate you.