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Here I Am Again (TW: Anorexia, Self-Harm)
1 month ago · · ED,
...I’m back again. I’ve been listening to music about mental health that can be (and is usually) triggering to me. I don’t know why, but even though it’s triggering, I still enjoy listening to it, and it helps me feel valid in my feelings.
I’ve struggled with (and I’ve got back to) self-harm and anorexia. I thought I was on a path to recovery, but I’m back to where I started, and I think I might be at a worse place in life.
I don’t starve myself because I think I’m overweight...not anymore. I do it because I’ve grown accustomed to the empty feeling in my stomach, and it’s become like a game for me. I see how long I can keep a “streak” of not eating. It is probably hurting me, but I don’t mind, and that scares me.
Self-harming for me is very spontaneous. There’s no rhythm to it. I do it at random times or when I just “feel like it”. I mostly use a razor blade, and I only cut. (No burning, etc..) ...I know this is bad for me, but I can’t stop. I’ve tried.
I’ve really tried. Any advice on how to get clean? Or how to help myself eat more?