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trapped in my mind/ depression & anxiety
1 month ago · · I need help, · Explicit
I have no one to relate to, all I have is my private words to escape to...I'm always so alone, even when im surrounded by people that I know, feels like I'm losing myself, feels like im drowning in my freakin thoughts, nothing helps not even the meds, got scars that would last forever to remember the pain, to help ease the pain, but I guess it never helps, I'm just bleeding on people who didn't cut me, I'm hurtin' the people who love me the most,I look in the mirror, like where's the me I used to now, guess she's just gone for good... all because of the trauma my "best friend" gave me by leaving, like she were there for me lmao that's what i thought, but when i was dying inside, she didn't give a fuck ...I just need someone to love to me, someone to hug me, someone to be there when my mind gets ugly, I'm living like a ghost, that no one ever notices, I'm kinda introverted, i always stay at home 'Cause I'm not good in public, but that leads to laying in my bed staring up at the ceiling talking to myself until I'm overthinking, I'm home with my family yet feeling all alone no one knows that I'm weeping,I swear my whole life is so fucking deceiving, when the fuck did my heart become so bitter and cold? why did I start walking down this lonely road? No one understands what my life is like, because I crack a smile acting like I know what the hell I'm doing, while I'm actually fucked up... I'm only 14 and I was like, "fuck it" and picked up drugs and started smoking like I don't really give a fuck, maybe I don't really care anymore, I guess I should just put that trigger to my brain and squeeze it, and now I'm just "addicted" to cigarettes.....Not just a bad mood I can't simply go snap out of it, depression's a disease and I am here to be an advocate, they say it's not an illness and that it's all inside your head, 'gotta occupy your time maybe you should try some meds" Why do you be so quick to judge? when you don't even know my story, the pain I got inside got me feeling so numb, the drugs that I been on got my heartbeat like a drum, The demons that I fight, they been coming for my soul, oh yeah, I've been tryna run but I'm moving too slow, I shut everyone out 'cause I wanna be alone, or I guess its better if I stay alone cause then no one would hurt me...I don't wanna feel this pain anymore, I've been feeling worthless as fuck, I've been out my mind if you ask me how I'm doing, I'll tell you I've been fine, I'm still lost, still tryna figure it out, wondering why my mind's filling with doubt, gotta be real with myself, I wasn't being real to myself, I still have those scars that run deep and
I haven't spent any time healing myself all I did was getting it worse, no one around could feel what I felt. I can really feel it in my gut I wanna give up, I can't trust anyone 'cause everyone switch up in the end, my anxiety's getting higher and it's mad dangerous,I felt like I found me but I'm lost again, I felt like I could do it without a friend, but i guess i was wrong, I gotta learn to accept the fact that there's no one to turn to, accept the fact that no one was there when i was at my lowest.