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1 month ago · · Stress, · Explicit
I hate him. He hates me. He fucking left my life to work all the time for YEARS. And when he used to sometimes check on me he would only point out something wrong I did. He decided to try and step into my life only to, instead of work to occupy him, its just fucking video games. He hates me. Father hates me. I hate this family. He took my phone away because of some stupid grades at school. Now I can only rant here. I thought I wouldn't have to deal with this and be gone, but that didn't work. I ran away from home for a couple minutes but forget a lot and couldn't go through with it. No one knows I tried. I hate this home. My grandmother basically called me a slut the other day, I cried. I cried today too. My father called me retard. He had no right. He dropped out of high school and wasn't there half my life. I don't understand him. I feel like I dont deserve anything. I dont deserve to eat. I dont deserve to waste their money. I dont deserve them. I dont care for them. I dont like them. I hate school, it causes all my problems. It does nothing for me. School is fairly useless until around 5th grade. Why dont they let children be children? why force them to learn things they'll forget and never use. I dont like school. I hate being touched because of my uncle. I hate my uncle. He touched me in bad ways and now I dont want to be touched at all. No one can touch me, if someone does, I either flinch or tense up and dont move. I try to get away from them but its hard. I used to rant on a private discord, but now I cant. I'm scared of my father looking through and reading EVERYTHING. If he did, I dont know how I'd go on living. He normally doesn't look though my phone, but now I'm not sure if he will or not. He thinks school is ore important then my metal health. He forgot I even tried killing myself a couple months ago. I don't think he actually cares. He only cares about his stupid games. He doesn't care how I feel. I need to leave. I want to leave. I don't know how to leave. I don't know when to leave. I changed how I dressed from how people looked at me and my grandmother basically calling the way I dress slutty. It's too loud. I cant stop the noise.