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I have a mentally abusive father. All my life I saw him and my mom got into a fight then reconciled then got into a fight again. My father never hit someone but his words are very hurtful especially if he doesn't like something. I remember a lot of times I got really hurt because of his words and I think this is one of the reason I become really sensitive with relationships and don't like the thought of having another family. I could never forgive those many words he said to me and anytime I remember them, I started crying my eyes out. I still remember the pain. Up until now, he never apologized to me and I'm also not a forgiving type of person. I think he himself didn't know that he did a lot of hurtful things to me. Right now, we're not in a fight but I could never look at him in the eye nor talk to him freely. I don't really want to do anything with him and don't feel comfortable being beside him.
The thing is, I think he wanted to try to be closer to me. He tried to talk to me about random things, went inside my room for a little bit and leave after it, sending random videos to me,trying to give advices to me, etc. Maybe he could mean well, but I started to think negatively on the reason he does these. I also don't like that he went inside my personal room and telling me to do things when I'm already 20. I don't really want to form a good relationships with him because I feel like I can't forgive him. On the other side, I kinda pity and feel sad for him since he's getting older and he and my mom are still working for the family.
What do you guys think?
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This reminds me a lot about my father. It’s very hard, I know it. I know how strange it is to feel the pity and the anger all at once, and I know how useless it is when they try to make up for the hurtful things done. Not being physically aggressive doesn’t mean they didn’t hurt you, so what I want to say to you is that it’s totally okay to feel what you are feeling, and you don’t own him forgiveness, mostly if you weren’t asked sorry in the first place. I decided to let go of him, I saw my brother and mother struggling all of their lives to get his attention and it was heartbreaking. So think about yourself, about your well-being and if you feel like trying with your father hurts you more, you have the right to stop doing that. Work and money is not the answer to these type of behaviors, never forget that.
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