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1 month ago · · Depression,
They struggle to take off their warm covers, but soon they do. They cringe when their bare feet make contact with the cold floor. They go to the bathroom, and stare at themselves in the mirror. They’ve been wearing the same hoodie for a week, and they haven’t brushed their hair for two days.
They drag a brush through their hair, wincing when they struggle through the tangles. They spread concealer under their eyes to hide the darkened circles. Sighing, they walk to the kitchen, looking through their fridge, but then noticing the time. Of course, they had spent so long deciding if they should get out of bed, that their late for work.
They get into the car, and as they drive, they are stopped at another red light. As the watch the cars in front of them speed by, they momentarily entertain the idea of just driving straight into the mess. They shake their head and sigh, until the green light blinks down at them, and they can go.
At work, they are scolded by their boss for being late, and they notice their coworkers muttering about them under their breaths. They get to work and try to ignore it. They’ve gotten used to it by now.
Lunch comes, but they had forgotten to bring anything, so they go hungry, like most days. No one seems to really care. No one notices.
After work, they drive back home. They try to start cleaning, but they’re exhausted. They are drained by the day at work. Instead, they just collapse on the couch and fall asleep. They’re asleep for a few hours, until they wake up with a dry throat and bleary eyes. They look around and just huff.
No one is willing to hang out with them. They don’t have many friends. They are exhausted. Everything is so repetitive.
No one notices. They seem like a normal, boring person.
But they are numb. You, the reader might have noticed. I, the writer never used a feeling word to describe them. Except for ‘exhausted’...
They weren’t happy they woke up on another day. They weren’t angry when they saw they overslept. They weren’t alarmed by their intrusive thoughts. They weren’t upset when they missed lunch.
But they were tired. They were numb.
This is what depression feels like.
I am tired. And I am numb.