Don't know what to do (explicit)

I don't know anymore, my exams are 40 days away and i need to revise all the subjects, but i always find myself masturbating, and when i do it, I don't do it because I'm turned on or something, I don't know why i do it, i guess that temporary feeling of happiness suits me, i always feel like crying after masturbating and eating, and it's not because i feel guilty I litterally don't know why, this feeling is much stronger at night, i also feel like nothing's good anymore, everything is boring, i hate myself, i was depressed last year and i used to cut, I don't want to go through that again, even though i feel guilty when I'm happy, I'm also a muslim and it's ramadan and i feel so sinful masturbating in ramadan