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How can you move on? How can you move on from something so beautiful that could have been but never will be?
How do you tell someone you love them, that they complete you in the most beautiful way and then move on? How?
I am struggling with anxiety, I am struggling with a lot of things but the one thing that I am struggling with is the loss of my best friend. Somehow I told my best friend that I love him, and eventually he saw and felt it too but that wasn't enough
Only problem is, that I am not the only girl. So you must be thinking why would I put myself into that position? Well because I didn't realize I love him until recently and that is killing me. It is killing me because I let him see the real me, I opened up my heart and soul to him in the last three weeks which killed me, but I did it.
So he picked no one. He picked neither of us to protect all of us and our friendships. I might also mention that the other girl is my friend as well. Only difference is, he is my best friend. So she might have lost a chance at love, but I lost a lot more today.
So now I have lost everything because I can't bare being around all of them. I can't stop crying, feeling guilty for ruining what they could have had together because I didn't realize my feelings sooner, for leaving my best friend now when he needs me the most because I can't be around him, for the fact that I might be the reason that he can't pick her and be happy because he can't lose me as a best friend.
I don't know what to do anymore besides retreat, to retreat to the darkest of corners. So tell me, how do you move on with the fear that everyone will move on without you? How do you move on and still be friends when you're worried that one day he will turn around and pick her? How do you move on when you feel your heart might break into a million pieces and somehow never heal?
How?
Because I would have chosen him, but he couldn't choose me.
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