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My mom called me a liar, so that’s what I became. I lied about where I was, what I was doing, who I was with, how I felt, what I drank, ate, and smoked. She told me I was lazy so I stayed in my pjs all day. She said my room was disgusting so I stopped cleaning it. She told me I should go outside so I stopped leaving my room. She told me I was on my phone too much so my screen time went for 2hrs to 5. She told me I should stop going to bed at 11, it’s too late, so I went to bed at 2. She told me I was eating too much junk food so I started going to the corner store. She told me to shut up so I stopped talking about what mattered. She told me I was too moody so I hid my emotions. She told me I was being ungrateful so I stopped telling her my problems. She told me it was too tight so I stopped wearing anything that touched my skin too closely. She told me to drop the attitude so I used a knife to distract myself. She told me not to roll my eyes so I dug my fingernails into my skin. She told me to sit outside so I used my keys to draw the blood. She told me to wax not shave so I bought a razor and cut myself. And she told me I weighed too much so I stopped eating.
-S
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You are being very silly. Your mum obviously wants only the best for you so you don't have to play the opposites with everything she says. Cutting is addictive so now I am advising you to never do that again other wise you will be covered in scars as well as having trouble trying to stop it.
As you mature you will realize how childish you are being and stop this stupidity. Your mum is older and wiser than you so you should listen to her and obey her.
Replydon't invalidate them. their mother is obviously being controlling and mentally abusive. to the person who wrote the post this comment is on, i hope it ghets better <3
i understand, i go through the same thing as well <3
Replythank you:)
I am so sorry that you are going through this and I hope it gets better for you too. If you ever want to rant without judgment lmk:)
-S
ReplyHi!
I know my mom cares and I wrote this aware that those feelings aren't the whole story. I love my mom and appreciate what she has done, but it hurts that when I tell the truth she doesn't trust me. It hurts that I showed insecurities and she used them against me. I know deep down that it was from a place of love and wanting me to be better, but it was damaging. I had a really close relationship to her, but I have a lot of unsaid feelings. Cutting became my relief because I had so many bottled up emotions. I appreciate and respect what my mom has done for me so I don't think I am being childish in fact I think these feelings are valid and mature, but like I said not the whole story. Yes I should listen to my mom and I usually do, I appreciate what she has given and taught me. But please be kind and aware that there are two sides to every story. I am trying to understand my mothers while realizing I have many bottled up feelings so I don't think it's silly or childish I think its progress. My mom still hasn't noticed anything ever went wrong so it is difficult trying to make it right. I have started eating a little more and haven't cut in a month, I'm trying. I hope whatever you may or may not be going through gets better.
-S
(ps I wrote the shitty journal entry) :)
ReplyI am so sorry you're going through this and feel like there is no hope. My Mom used to say similar things to me. I started realizing some of the things she said, was just because she cared so much. She might not show it a lot. But your Mother loves you and has a fear of raising you in this world. The world is not what it used to be. Sit down and have a conversation with her. Let her know your feelings matter and she needs to listen. Let her know how you feel and your suicidal thoughts. Maybe even do therapy. Keep pushing young one, you have a whole life ahead of you!