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Everywhere I see, I don't see people that look like me. I don't really see people like me getting praised and loved in society. I'll be honest and straight forward with you. I'm brown-skinned, a woman, and the last time I checked, I weighed about 180-190 pounds. (But the doctor allowed me to keep my shoes on, so I don't think that was accurate) The reason on why I'm saying this, is because everywhere I look online, I keep seeing people say their preference. How they want a lighter skinned toned woman, or a really thin woman, etc. And most of the time, the same people saying this, sh*t on woman in general anyway. Everyday, I'm slowing loosing confidence in myself, and not doing so well in my social life. However, of course I know that the internet isn't all going to be all sunshine and rainbows, but, even when I see the basic surface of the internet, apparently, I'm still not wanted, both racial wise, AND love wise. People really showed me that I just can't be left alone huh? And some people would disregard the things they say, but the sad part is that there is at least about 8 Billion people on this planet now. Surely, there are probably so many people who think and act like this, and its just so heartbreaking to see that happen right in front of your eyes :(
Lemme clarify and share some examples here. Like I said before, I weigh about 180-190 pounds. I sorta understand that people wouldn't want me as their partner, I get that. I understand that some people would die because they're overweight. But does that really mean that I'm not worthy of love? That I can't even have friends, that I'm not even allowed to eat, even though that's a basic thing we all need to live?! If your trying to help me get healthy, thats fine. But you can't just assume that I'm automatically going to die because I'm overweight, and that I need to work-out and eat healthy everyday, just because you see me have a bigger stomach/belly!
Ok, your probably confused.
"But ryding, you DO need to work out and eat healthy everyday! and weighing __ isn't good for you! You'll probably die! What you need is-"
Yeah yeah yeah, I get the point. But lets ALL be honest here. Surely, you haven't been looking healthy when you ate your last dessert. And I'm completely sure that you had fast food before. So why shame on me for eating those EXACT same things that you do? Wouldn't that kill YOU to? No? So what was the point of telling me I was going to die because I ate some chocolate pudding? And even if you were doing this to tell me that I was unhealthy, why don't you look at someone thinner the same way and automatically go:
"OH, that girl needs to eat! She'll die of starvation, and she needs to workout!!"
....
Yes that was specific and a bit exaggerated, I'm sorry. I will admit, I AM overweight, and do need to workout and eat healthier more, I'll admit that. But that doesn't justify you constantly shamming people that YOU perceive as "big". Don't we all carry weight differently? And even if you disagree with all the things I've said about this little weight rant, that doesn't mean that I can't love or feel the same way that others can.. right?
Look, this is very hard to explain how I feel about this, or what I'm feeling in general. But I just don't feel like I'm wanted, by anyone in general. My friends, my mom, my online friends, anyone really. Yes, I understand that people have preferences, but why is there so many into the point where people would automatically see me and immediately think I'm not worthy of love?? Friendship?? or even BASIC HUMAN RIGHTS??? it just doesn't make ANY sense.
And even the people who DO want people like me get sh*tted on by others.
Why do people have so much hate for people like me? Why do they go to the extent to make people like me feel like we're not wanted and hopes that I die? Just why?
Dang, this doesn't make any sense at all. Hell, as I'm typing this, IDK what I'm talking about, or even if I make sense.
I just feel like that I'M not wanted lately. Not just because of my appearance, but because of the basic personality traits I have. For example, some would say that I talk to much, that I have nothing interesting to say, and they would blatantly just ignore me.
Why can't I find someone that actually loves me for who I am and actually pays attention to me and my problems and completely understands what im going through and hell, as a bonus, comforts me? Heck, I guess thats the reason I came out to here, huh?
Its just that I've been feeling so down lately, that nobody even bothers to check up on me. And the ones that do, just don't understand or just completely dismisses what I'm going through. Heck, I just described even my own mother...
okay, now I feel like im repeating the point. Why can't I be shown love, or just be told that everything's gonna be okay?? Honestly, at this point, I just want a hug. I think it's gotten so badly that I literally DAYDREAM about being comforted. That some big man, or just a friend would protect me from all the stupid harm in the world. Its just so saddening, and heartbreaking...
That little weight thing, wasn't the point of this discussion. The point was that I don't feel like I'm enough, or appreciated. Also, I'd like to point out the one phrase in the tittle: "-When I Grow Up?" I'm not confrontable with sharing my age, but I'll say that im a young teenager now. So not only am I not getting love, I'm practically so traumatized to the point where it'll probably affect me badly as an adult, the phrase where I'm supposed to be functioning well in society?!?!?
I'll make it clear right now. I don't care on what you think about me, what you want to do to people like me, or what your viewpoint on weight is.
I just want to know that people feel the exact same way as I do. Or for someone to comfort me or to tell everything would be okay. Or maybe just a simple someone to be my comfort buddy.
Oh fuck it, I'll say it even when I'm too afraid:
I want a friend, someone that actually cares for me and would never ignore me, or my personal problems. (It's fine if you can't properly respond to venting)
But I don't even really want that right now. I just want some comfort so I can know that all people aren't fucked up creatures.
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Welp, sorry you had to read all of that horrid mess, have a good day stranger, and I hope that ur at least doing well :)
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hello beautiful girl!
I hope you see this comment. I quickly skimmed over your post (I have a lot of homework to catch up on haha) but as soon as I saw your post I wanted to comment on it. From what I understood is that you're tired of being body shammed and just want to feel loved and accepted. I could feel your anger through the post and I am so sorry for you. I hate how this world is so judgemental and society creates a certain standard of how women should look like. What basis is this on? Who came up with the definition of beauty? How can you take ONE word and make it apply to all women? You can't. Unfortunately, the media projects unrealistic goals like this even further. However I am so happy that in the recent few years body positivity has been more celebrated on social media. I suggest you should look at these accounts than those who claim that beauty is "lightskinned, blue eyes, skinny etc." These accounts really helped me gain confidence. I realized that confidence is half the game. Days where I feel confident (which isn't a lot) I just have a different vibe. I am also made fun of my looks a bit. I am short so I get made fun of my height a lot. You know what I do? I say let them laugh. These people will say anything to make themselves feel superior right? That's the definition of a bully. Everyone is different. Beauty is the definition of comparing apples to oranges. You just can't compare yourself with others, it's not possible! Instead live how you feel most confident. That's the best you can do to prove society wrong. Women like us will not bend to society's beauty standard, instead we will create our own beauty where everyone is included. The right beauty. I just hope you can find people who value you for you because you seem like a great person who is just sick of society. The universe always finds a way to get good people in your life. Don't hang out with people who make you feel worthless because their negative nature rubs off on you.
Anyways, I hope my post made sense. Its very late at night but I just wanted to try and say something. Let me know if this helped :)
From,
A stranger who values you
ReplyWow, honestly, thank you. yes this really helped a lot! I'm glad you got confidence over those few accounts (and do you mind sharing them with me?) I love your response, and I'm SooOOOOOooo glad that I just wasn't being paranoid, or over-reacting about this. Thank you so much! I know I will look back at this comment and be comforted! Thanks 2 you, I know that maybe all people in the world aren't bullsh*ts. Thank you so much, honestly, I just can't thank you enough. I'd also like to thank you on choosing this post out of the millions of other posts you've seen, and I'm glad this one caught your eye. Like I said, I'm a young teen and its nice to know someone actually cares about the people not represented in social beauty standards! It makes me feel like there are some people that care about the little guys like me out there. I may not be doing well socially or mentally, but I've noticed that I've become a bit decent at self-love lately. Like saying:
"You know what, I don't look half bad today." or "Wow, I actually look really good :D."
Thank you truly, and I hope you have a nice day! (also, I hope you do well on your HW, lol. It really feels like a huge accomplishment that my post distracted you from the millions of piles you have of it lol)
P.S. Just for heads up, I will be coming back to this comment section just to make me feel better about myself lol, IDK why I typed that, I just felt liked you needed to know. Anyway, have a great night/day, or where ever you are in this world, and have a nice life :D
From
A stranger who appreciates this
ReplyWow I am so glad that my words made you feel better I appreciate it! To reply to your question, there are many celebrities that promote body positivity and self confidence. Lizzo is a great example, she promotes feeling good in your skin no matter who you are. I have also inserted this link in brackets about her talking about body positivity (hopefully it works): (https://www.buzzfeed.com/larryfitzmaurice/lizzo-on-people-politicizing-selfies-body-positivity). So I suggest you should follow her. You can also look on instagram hashtags for body positivity, self confidence, etc. there are many videos on that.
Anyways, I know how it feels like there isn't anyone who cares about you. It's very isolating in this world and tiring. I am constantly feeling lonely and I can't really open up to many people. HOWEVER there are good people in this world and I believe that the universe will put them in your life. I used to always feel lonely but then I met my best friend. I don't have many friends lol it's only her. I was able to open up to her about my depression and mental health issues. My point is, there will be someone who you can trust. It may take some time, but I know you will find someone who values you because that's what you deserve! Keep your head up high and just thrive. We won't be held down by society and people who try to gain superiority by pulling us down (I honestly feel bad for people who thinks degrading someone makes themselves feel better.)
Have a great day!
Replyoop btw for the link I think you may have to copy and paste it rather than click it directly
ReplyOmg nooo, I just realized that my comment is being reviewed so you can't see it rn. Hopefully it comes later on, there was nothing wrong with it though.
ReplyLol, its okay, I've seen it! Also, I do agree with you, I probably just need to see better people, or people in general really, haha! Thank you so much, I feel a bit better of myself now :D (also the link does work when I copy & paste into my search engine lol)
Replyglad to hear it!
Reply