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i had all my feelings bottled up im just letting them out
1 week ago · · Need Advice
i've been wanting to have my freedom and study after my high school ends and decide to be with the person i actually love but my parents are very toxic and want me to be with the person of their choice, they dont want me to study anywhere of my choice, i chose the stream of their choice because they forced me and now when i try and talk about it to them, they emotionally manipulate me. i belong from a muslim family and they constantly scare me on how talking back to them will take me nowhere in life. i've always been under pressure of scoring well just for them to show it off to others. my dad literally told me before marriage you're our responsibility and after marriage you're your husbands and you have no rights of your own. i self harm when i cant take the pain, i was tryinb to hide my scar and was very disturbed and upset at something, my mum saw me being upset she said "there she goes again" and i opened up to one person about my self harm, she called me cringe and disgusting. there is this one person who understands me and i want to be with that person for the rest of my life but my parents would kill me, my mom is so manipulative, the way she acts when i try and tell about my feelings, it makes me feel helpless. i got out of a toxic relationship few months ago it emotionally drained me and i still cry about it because i feel responsible for everybody else's feelings. i have tried so much to control my weight but i couldn't now i just never feel like eating anything, i throw my food away. it had been weeks i kind of genuinely felt happy because i didnt try to put out my feelings instead i just listened and went with the flow, once i do nobody understands. i don't like the touch of my father, it feels so weird i dont know i just hate it.