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Unfortunate confession... FORGIVENESS, PLEASE
2 years ago · 2 · Sexuality Confessions, +24 · Explicit
830
Please forgive me for what you're about to read.
As of the writing of this post I will be 32 years and soon to be 6 months of age.
As a middle- and high-schooler I, as most people, experienced a great deal of hormonal fluctuations.
And as a victim of such hormones, I began developing a unique sexuality.
This sexuality began as most individuals begin their own -- heterosexual desires, as well as some minor homosexual curiosities.
Unfortunately, by the time I reached later high school, I realized I had, in the recesses of my deeper, more perverted "id," an interest in... younger girls.
As a senior, meaning 17/18yo, I realized there were some girls of varying ages that I found myself attracted to.
When I realized this, I thought, "Hm, is this normal? I feel a certain degree of guilt for these inklings..."
That's when I realized that yes, this sensation was indeed unacceptable on a standard social scale.
However, as I was still developing, I simply disregarded it.
Now, fourteen years later, I still have a certain degree of this desire, though much weaker.
Those girls I at that time, and within the next five years or so, a lustful desire... I still lust for.
Yes, every time I feel those desires I beg GOD for forgiveness and removal of said lust.
...
Therefore, I plead of you, do not condemn me for my past.
Do not condemn me of residual desires.
Do not condemn me for what my past has etched into my mind.
This evil that has been burned into my existence is not an evil I asked for.
I despise this aspect of my life. I did not ask for it. I have no desire for it to remain. If I could willfully expel it, I would do so before any could ask of me in any remote time.
Any moment of sexual peak in which I find myself, I at times resort to these bizarre interests... I pain myself in expelling the thoughts and struggle to focus on more appropriate desires.
...
...
May GOD and all others forgive me for such inappropriate desires.
This, I fear, shall be my undoing.
..
Goodbye, all, for I shall no longer pain you in perverting those who are too young to understand.
This may very well be my last post. As poetic it may be upon completion, such it must be, for it may be the last thing I am remembered by, and death should be viewed as peaceful.
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God has forgiven us, not only to free us from the condemnation of others, but so that we may, as well, forgive ourselves. We all have wicked and tempting desires and thoughts; we are weak, but through God we are strong. Let us not seek absolution from this world, for that has already been provided to us by the debt, in which has been paid by Jesus Christ. Instead, let us seek the warmth of forgiveness and acceptance, in which God has placed in our souls.
ReplyYou didn’t choose this attraction, no one would if they were given the option. No attraction is harmful in and of itself, it can be harmful when acted upon, though. Society has failed you and other individuals with this attraction, those committed to not offending. But there is hope. New research on healthily managing these attractions is coming out everyday and therapy professionals who can help you overcome these issues exist. My best advice is to seek them out. No one is a monster due to the way their brains work, and there is always a way to redeem yourself if you’ve done things you’re not proud of. What society says is irrelevant, this is between you and God. I wish you all the best.
Reply