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So I guess I'm sitting here for the moment, just thinking about killing myself. Tears fill my eyes and the aching burn in my chest of just never doing anything right.
I am tired of not being able to see my children, I am tired of living the way I do, I am tired of being alive. People say to change, I cant change. People say to get help, I can't be helped.
So there's nothing left, that's it. I can feel the water in my eyes but tears don't fall. Partially because I won't let them, partially because I've forgotten how to.
Even if I could, tears aren't going to erase the past. It's not going to make anything better. So what's the point? There is no point. It's just the neverending, seething pain inside that just won't quit.
I can't justify it to you, so I won't even bother trying. Just try to understand that this is pretty much all I've ever known. This right here. It's all I've experienced in this life and I am just so done with it.
You see, our neighbor came in around 3:30am and the door was locked, the outside door that is. So I went and looked and unlocked it. This dude tried to blame me for it being locked, I don't ever touch that door. I barely come out of my room, let alone outside my apartment.
Well, he's got this nifty, neat machete and I tried to grab it. Told him if he wanted to know what I've been doing, I've been sitting in my room thinking about killing myself. So he instructs me out of the door and offers me this little box cutter instead. Lol! So I go to reach for it and he pulls that away too!
I even asked as I reached for it, so you're just gonna let me kill myself? But nope! He just says I need help lmfao!
Yeah, don't tempt a desperate man.
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How is it your neighbour's business that your door is locked?
ReplyIt's a main door, not my apartment door.
Reply