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8 months ago · · fear,
TW: Self Harm
Fear is an unpleasant emotion caused by the belief that someone or something is dangerous, likely to cause pain, or a threat. This feeling can be triggered by many different things for many different reasons. Some may say they are scared of nothing, I am one to say this, but I can assure you that we are all scared of something.
I personally am terrified of my own mind. I can't gain control of her. She thinks when she wants, what she wants, and how she wants it. So demanding. So scrutinizing. She beats me down to floor, until I can no longer stand. She leaves me broken, with nothing but the scars in my skin and this lousy notebook to write in.
I'm sorry notebook, I didn't mean that you've always been there and listened to my sad, pitiful stories. It's just she ruins who I am. She tells me everyone hates me and would be better off if I wasn't here. She has drilled it into my brain that I deserve all of this pain.
She tells me to hurt myself, "just cut one more time."
She says I am worthless, "you don't matter to anyone."
She says, "just stop, don't eat anymore, maybe then you'll be beautiful."
She degrades every piece of me, she can never have enough. She makes me feel terrible when she comes around. I hate the sound of her voice. She is the one that makes me tremble. She causes my true fear. She is my own mind.