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I was bullied for 7 years and they often call me a flirt because I mostly befriend boys. The reason is that I'm not a pick me, it's just that I grew up with a brother that has autism so I seek to have a brotherly figure on my side. My father also works abroad and the rest of my family are always busy. I always felt alone.
They also called me a or 'fake' because I always try my best to keep up a good impression to people. I just don't want anyone bullying me so I tried my hardest to keep up a good impression to everyone but they just viewed it as a fake one.
Because of this, I developed a hidden anger buried deep in my heart. Every hurtful word they say, every painful act they do, I just absorb it like a sponge.
I turned my emotions into 'motivations' and forced myself to excel. I became no.1 but my achievements just invited more of them. Everything that I'm good at, they always have something to say.
I acted as if it was nothing and I already forgived them but no. I held a grudge against them to the point that I always blame them for what I've become. Everytime I did something wrong, I can hear their voices.
I always try to find something to blame. At first it was the 'pressure' my family was giving. Just a fact, my family is full of high achievers. Second it was them. But at the end of the day, I can't blame them. It was me.
I've developed anxiety. Sometimes I thought about killing myself but my grudge against them is holding me back. I still have to prove something to them.
I need an advice...
Should I lety grudges go?
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Yes grudges take you nowhere. People are just bunch of cowards who only know how to point out flaws in people even if they don't have any. They like to make people small so that they can feel big. The truth is if you don't stand up for yourself people will just underestimate you. I will tell you to march up to the girls who are taking shit about you and tell them "You bunch of pussies, who the fuck do you think you are, I am not here to take your shit. Take your ass out of here and leave me alone" Don't shout say it with a fierce eyes and calm tone. Make it seem that you will eventu punch them in their face. Trust me they will not fuck with you again. Being nice takes you nowhere blow their ass up. IDC go with this attitude. Yeah i have anger issues as you can tell. Don't reply to me if you don't do it. I dare you to do it. Don't be a pussy
ReplyHey, I'm not religious or anything, but I do believe that you have to forgive to forget. I know it might be hard, believe me, I've been in multiple situations where my head holds me back, but think with your heart. Also, I've volunteered for multiple autism surfing events, so I love the fact that you have a brother with common traits to the people I work with. Back to the subject; Please don't kill yourself, that's a permanent solution to a temporary problem. My therapist gave me some things to do when you have such dark feelings invade your head:
1) Hold ice under your tongue or in your hands till melted: What this does is change the temperature of your current feeling and makes you feel refreshed.
2) Tense up different pressure points in your body.
3) Listen to music.
Also, boys are awesome friends. Most of my friends are boys, and I'm a girl btw. I prefer boys as friends just because well I'm Lesbian and can relate more to them but they're also less dramatic, and less difficult to deal with. Next time those stuck-up bitches open their mouths, tell them that maybe you befriend boys because they gave you a bad impression of the female gender. Well that's all I have to say, go get em'!
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