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I’m 20 years old. I’m the youngest in my family. My older brother is the closest one to me age and we have a good relationship. We didn’t when we were younger because he lost his way and became...very violent with me. He was sent away and not until my late teens did he come back. Now he tries really hard to be a good brother. I still get scared of him but it’s not because acts the way he used to it’s just cause it reminds me of those times. Anyways. He tries really hard but my older sister(they are older than him) have a strain relationship with him. So whenever I come home to visit they get upset that spend time with him. Which I don’t really care about but they just use some really verbal attacks that make it hard. My mom wants me to ignore it so I can spend time with my nieces and nephews and I try but...I get so much anxiety just from the thought of visiting my sisters. I was having a really hard with my anxiety, sleeping, depression, etc. but I finally got it under control last week. Now with the upcoming visit with my sisters I feel like I backtracked. They are already talking about how I spent time with my brother. And I feel a panic attack coming on and it’s crazy late and I just can’t sleep because I don’t want tomorrow to come because I can’t handle visiting my sisters. But I want it to come so I can’t hurry up and get this visit over with because I have to visit them otherwise it’s just going to cause my problems for my mom and she’s already having such a hard time and I don’t want to add on more things just because my sisters verbally attack me. But I just hate here. I wanna go home. I wanna go to my brother’s. Anyway but my sisters’ houses. I can’t do it. I love my sisters and all but...I don’t know. My brother physically abused me when we were younger but all my sisters verbally abused me. If I had to choose which one had more of a devastating effect on me I would have to choose the emotional abuse. I can’t do this. What am I doing? I hate here. I can’t do this. I just wanna go home. I’m terrified. I’m so tired. Just please. I don’t know but I can’t do this. I can’t. I don’t even know why I’m writing this. I don’t know if I’m asking for advice or if I’m just venting. I just want to go home.
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As a random person in this site, I just hope that it'll be better for you. I'm not some therapist or anything, but I really hope that you'll feel at peace without having to think of the things that torment you. I just hope you know that some random person right now cares for you (even though you don't know me) and that somehow, you'll have a peaceful day or night wherever you are right now. Even though it's hard, I just hope that you think of yourself first because you're also a precious human being who needs love and care. I really hope you'll heal again and that all these bad things would just disappear. You matter just because you're you. I hope you'll know that.
ReplyVenting helps. And then a few minutes of deep breathing and exhaling. Finding an outlet that lets you release all your negative energy also helps... some people go for an intense workout, others do yoga. Others people watch. Everyone is unique. Best of luck.
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1 Thessalonians 5:11
Therefore encourage one another and build each other up, just as in fact you are doing.
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