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Just for tonight, I am allowed to miss him. I am allowed to lie in bed for hours, listening to one of his favourite bands while smelling the old shirt he forgot at my place last time he visited. For one night, I am allowed to emerge myself in his scent, to watch myself fall deeper and deeper, harder than ever. Fall into my imagination, into my mind, until I rech the source of love within me. And then, once I have found it, I am allowed to emerge myself in sparkling joy over his existence, tangled up with howling pain over his absence. Just for tonight, I am allowed to lay in bed immobilized by sincere feelings.
Tomorrow, the sun rises, and I get up. I eat my breakfast, then I listen to a seminar on diagnostic theory. I go out to hang out with my friends. I work hard, I play nice. I laugh when expected from me, I am a good listener, I do my best to make everyone else feel valued in my presence. Tomorrow, all masks are in the right places. Tomorrow, I am calm. Tomorrow, I am functioning.
This night, however, belongs to me, and to me alone. Just for tonight, the responsibilities of a whole life, career and relationships are allowed to rest under a peaceful slumber. The only one awake will be me, and I will be loving and longing with everything I got. Just for tonight.
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<3
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