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My Unsent Letter to the First Him
4 months ago · · Breakup,
I miss you. A lot. And I don't even know why. We aren't compatible and you aren't even my type of person. You're everything I hate but somehow I love you. I love you. I can't deny it. I love everything about you. I want so badly to hate you, but I never could. You're an awful person with bad morals but I love you. I wish that I didn't value myself as much as I do. If I didn't, we could be together. But I love myself more than I love you. I have to. At the end of the day, I only have myself. You came into my life and left so many times but I was the one thing that always stayed. You forced me to learn how to love myself even when you treated me like I was unlovable. You made me feel worthless, less than, ugly, and like I wasn't enough. But I taught myself that I am worthy, more than, beautiful, and enough. And I always will be. I might be unsettled by us, how we ended, and that we're no longer together, but at least I'm secure in myself and who I am. I'm going to find someone who won't leave me questioning, crying on the bathroom floor, and feeling bad about myself. I'm going to find someone who will hate you for what you did to me. And I'll know he's the one because I'll see no traces of you in him.