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I was close to tears on the bus home today bc I felt so bad about myself. I feel lonely, tired, ugly, like a failure, like I'll never get anywhere in life bc it just doesn't happen to people like me. My partner tells me I'm intelligent, i'm beautiful, I'm amazing, but it's hard to believe those things.
He's the only friend I truly have and we've never met in person; he lives on the other side of the world yet he's the only one I trust and feel comfortable with; and it sucks that he isn't here with me at times when I need him.
I took a photo today with my classmates. I looked at it and saw me and I hated it. I hate how I looked. Why can't I look like the others? Why do my eyes look like that? Why are my teeth and mouth like that? It was such a horrible feeling bc I didn't realise that I walk around looking like that every day. I was kinda shocked. So I felt bad and went quiet for the rest of the day. I didn't smile, I covered my mouth a little while I spoke. I avoided eye-contact. I was overthinking and feeling overwhelmed by being around people, I rushed out of the campus and went straight home as fast as I could.
I thought I was finally feeling more comfortable in my own skin but I'm not and it's overwhelming. I'm worried to tell my partner that bc he insists i'm perfect but I don't believe it and I don't want to frustrate him by refusing to accept his compliments.
I'm just so unconfident and anxious now, it sucks.
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