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There’s something you need to know about me, I hate you and I’m going to kill you.
Let’s be real with how I feel about you. I cannot even look at you without being disgusted. I find your demeanor repulsive and your existence meaningless. I believe you’ve never been loved because you’re incapable of feeling loved. I believe the only people capable of even being attracted to you either have a fetish for fat women, or pity you. How can you live with yourself? How do you feel after binge eating to make yourself feel better? Do you just keep eating when the feelings don’t fade? Why can’t you cope with the world like a normal person? What is wrong with you?
So what is next? Here are some questions you need to ask yourself.
Are you done torturing yourself and playing the victim?
Are you done trying to use food to fix your feelings?
Are you ready to be honest with yourself?
Are you ready to do the hard stuff to make a change?
Are you done fearing the outcome?
A good quality and happy life are right on the other side of your comfort zone.
If you were willing to get 70% of your stomach removed, but not work out and go to the gym, you’re actually pathetic. They have to go together, or just do the exercise. You’re not going to get through life by being a piece of shit anymore. Wake up every day and figure out what you can do to make your life better.
Are you ready?
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it's okay to not be at your goal right now. forgive yourself for the patterns and traits you developed while enduring trauma. whatever you went through is in the past, and although it's important to understand your triggers, the only way you have left to go is up. the coping methods you have developed are very common so please don't feel alone.
a lot of people procrastinate or have no motivation to start reaching their goals is because they don't know how to start. they may know WHAT they need to work on, but they don't know how to work on it. so if you don't currently know healthy foods to eat daily, look it up. if you don't know what exercises to do, look it up. write it all down. start with small steps.
but don't do this stuff for the wrong reasons. other people's opinions are unimportant. i'd also like to mention what you said about playing the victim. yes, living life from the victim perspective is unhealthy, but it's okay to have feelings and bad habits. don't erase whatever hole you have managed to find your way into. use it as something to motivate you, and when you start reaching your goals, you can tell yourself about how far you've come.
i wish you the best of luck. don't be so hard on yourself. <3
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