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i'm so embarrassed of myself, i was such a good kid with so many aspirations, aspirations that i had until a few months ago. I still don't know what happened but i think it might be the space that i'm in. i feel incapable to be truly happy and i feel like i don't care about anything anymore, even though know that i do in some way or another. i feel guilty about everything because i know that i am, i could change this if i really wanted to but i dont have the motivation to do so.the only thing that i thought i was good at was writing (In my first language) but now i realize that i was never really that good at it, i had to to a thing for a group presentation but i failed miserably, my other classmate took the place that i always had, the place of the one who actually knows how to do stuff and has to carry the project all by themselves. that's supposed to be me, but now i feel unable.
my dad loves me but i feel uncomfortable when he tries to hug me and i feel bad when i ask him to stop, he has never done anything wrong to me but i just feel this way, i know he gets sad but i truly cant help how i feel. I don't want to be mean really but i cant communicate that it makes me feel bad because i don't have a reason for that.
i cant talk to anyone about how i feel, the last time i tried to talk to my mom about my problems she thought it wasn't that important so i couldn't finish expressing myself. my friends have so many problems i don't know how to help them, i just know that i cant tell them how i feel because they aren't in the mental state to listen to me. i feel stupid and worthless, i want to sleep and eat and eat and eat forever until i die.
how the fuck am i going to get to collage if just joining to class its hard to me, i only do it because i have to but just being there makes me tired. i cant pay attention.
everything feels grey i feel incapable of doing anything, i feel gross and ugly inside and outside
i get angry so easily
my dad is so alone, he needs a friend but i cant help him with that, i know he feels alone but sometimes i cant get myself to even talk to people. i feel better when i'm with my mom but i feel so guilty for that.
my mom didn't talk to me for days because i didn't say hi to her properly and i don't blame her but i was crying and i didn't want her so see me, and of course i couldn't tell her how i felt. then my grandma came to see me and i was crying so i was talking to her while turning my back, she is the last i person i want to worry, she has so many problems and she misses her husband.i know that doing that just makes things worse so i try to talk to her but in that moment i really couldn't.
i want to tell them that i'm sorry
maybe the only thing that's making me feels this way is that i'm way too much time on my phone and maybe i should force myself to take a break
i want to see a therapist but i don't want to ask for one, just the feeling of it makes me icky. none of my parents know how i feel, no one knows and that's my fault i want help but i don't deserve it.
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first off, i'm so sorry that you feel this way. that sounds really hard and really upsetting. you are totally capable of doing stuff and i believe that you can still do stuff like that. just the fact that you're writing about it speaks a lot about your character <3 i would definitely try to keep writing, even if you don't think it's good. you may be in a rough spot right now, but it will get better! some things just take time. just write about whatever makes you happy and don't worry about whether it's good or not. here is a really good place to do that because it's anonymous. your english is great, too and it's hard to tell that it's not your first language. i think if you sat your friends down and just told them that you need help, they'll listen to you and help you through it. sometimes it's just hard to know how people feel or if they need help. definitely try reaching out to whoever you feel comfortable talking to! i'm sorry about your dad. it's perfectly reasonable that you can't be that person to him, and you're not responsible for making him feel better. sometimes it takes a certain person to make someone feel better, and i wouldn't risk your mental health or your mental energy trying to be that person. same as your mom and your grandma. it's not selfish to focus on yourself, especially when you need some healing. i think it's more important that you get help for yourself so that you can either help them or just find ways to cope with them like that. i don't know what your relationship with them is like, but i think they probably just don't understand how you feel, so they don't reach out to help you. i think seeing a therapist would help you a lot! i would try looking for some in your area or speaking to one online. there are plenty of resources out there for you to find help and i would absolutely try to get some. you can decide whether to tell your parents, too. sometimes it is better to keep it private, but it can sometimes create more support in your life. it all depends on how comfortable you are with it. and you absolutely deserve help. everyone does. you have done nothing wrong and you completely deserve to find support. i am so proud of you for reaching out on this website to get help and i sincerely help that you can begin your road to healing and are able to find some peace in your life. sending you love <3
Replyhi i'm the person who wrote the original post. I wanted to thank you, this made me burst into tears, i think i really needed to read something like this in a long time. I'm sending you love too <3
Replyawe i'm so glad! your comment made me tear up too :)) i wish you all the best <3
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