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No, this is not another message from someone who has been cheated on. This is from someone who cheated. Yes, I am a cheater. I was supposed to say I was a cheater but then I realized as I am writing this, I'm in a relationship with the person who I cheated with but I am still thinking about the person who I cheated on. I guess it is still a form of cheating.
It has been almost 2 years since it happened, and every single day was full of regret as every single day I understood and realized how much I loved her so much and how I lost something so precious because I gave in to primal lust. As the day goes by I realized I hurt someone I wished and hoped to meet for a long time. I can't imagine the pain that she must have felt and endured knowing that her trust was betrayed by someone she cared for so much.
Not a day goes by without me thinking of her. How I wish I could just turn back time and undo what I did. I did not want to break her heart like that, she did not deserve it. She was innocent.
She always has this principle to have no regrets in life, and I tried to adapt it when we were still together. When I finally told her what happened I was so disgusted with myself that I can't even ask for her for forgiveness, because deep inside I know I did not deserve it, we broke up. She told me to man up and still try to adapt and learn to all the things that we have shared and have no regrets in life. That I should take responsibility for what I have done.
So much time has passed by and now I am in a relationship where I am still trying to learn to love the person whom I cheated with and take responsibility for my actions. I know this person also doesn't deserve this kind of half-assed love that is why I am trying my best.
Ever since then the guilt has been eating me up inside that's why I ended up here because I haven't shared this with the people close to me and I needed to put my feelings out there or else it would end up exploding back.
To all the people who have been cheated. I want you to know that from someone who has been a cheater, we will always carry that guilt even though we try to deny and hide it. Until the day we die it won't ever change the fact that we have hurt someone we love, and there will come a time that we will get what we deserve and realize every wrong that we have done. Please never blame yourself. Have the courage to find yourself back and overcome the insecurity that may come from having been cheated. You are strong, you will rise back up again and find your strength. Do not give up on yourself and do not give up on love.
To you my palangga
"I am very sorry palangga. Kung pwede palang nako mabalik and tanan. Walay adlaw na wa nako ginadamgo na inig mata nako mabalik kos sa oras na kita pa, na wala nako to buhata, ug wala na unta ka nasakitan."
(I am very sorry love. If I could only turn back everything. There wasn't a single day where I haven't dreamed and wished that when I open my eyes, I'll wake up to the time that it should've still been us, that I shouldn't have done that, that you shouldn't have been hurt so much.)
As I sobbingly write this composition which would likely not reach her, I hope she is now happy. I wish all the happiness for her. I still love her so much.
So to all the cheaters out there, I hope you would not experience the kind of pain and regret that I'm feeling right now. I wish you'll realize the value of the person you have right now and cherish them while they are still there especially if deep inside you also know that you love and care for them so much. Please think everything through before doing something that you know would hurt your partner. One rule of thumb is "If you think you can keep it a secret, you shouldn't do it." Nothing good can come out in secrets. You may think it's good, but the general product of it all would always put you in ruin. Please do not make the same mistakes I did.
If you have read this far, thank you so much for being there to listen. I don't have anyone else to share this with. It would be nice to know if someone from this site had this kind of experience before or if anyone can give me their insights and advice on how to get through this. I sincerely need help. Thank you.
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Hey you seem like a really sweet and genuine person, it will be ok. Just understand that this is a really difficult thing for the person to experience on the other side. It is confusing and it can really cause a lot of doubt. It is good that you confessed to her that you cheated because otherwise she would be left with her emotions in the dark, and that is way worse. You have to understand that you don't have a right to enter a relationship with her again, but there is nothing wrong with telling her how you feel if she is willing to listen.
It takes a lot of strength to realize you're wrong, and you must also have gone through a lot of pain through all this. Cheating is unforgivable because of the level of dissonance it causes for a partner who chose to trust you. My advice is tell her how you feel, but also understand that you have to make the most out of your life now and take responsibility for your actions. By writing this post and giving advice to other readers, you've already taken a lot of responsibility and that is truly amazing. You deserve love, you deserve a healthy and strong relationship. One day you can leave this in the past and create a healthy relationship with someone you love very much and not repeat your mistakes.
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