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I have been reading more and more about defences from our natural self system stemming from that article I mentioned from psychology today titled "Why do we have a type"
It talked about our childhood experiences and how they create defences in us and how they later influence us especially in our adult life.
As you know I went on a date friday night. She is incredible, kind, caring, sweet, compassionate ,beautiful inside and out. I like and feel drawn to her intellect. Unfortunately I had that anxiety attack episode minutes before I was about to meet her and the episode happened in broad daylight in public outside the tube station. It took me forever to get my bearings and I almost ruined the entire evening.
Despite what happened the evening went well and when she did ask me do you have anxiety? she was very understanding ...though I have not told her what happened outside the station.
in my childhood in scenarios like that... I have usually been scolded or put down for saying such a thing. I am accustomed to being mocked or ignored when these things happen , so meeting someone who does the opposite of that challenges my defences. My auto defence mechanism is to turtle up, become quiet and withdraw.
In my teen years whenever I confided in someone or showed an ounce of vulnerability it was often used against me...so I find it hard to open up or afterwards I find my mind preparing for the inevitable downfall.
Two defences I am aware of and some more. I will write some more tomorrow as my cbd tea is making me sleepy. But ask yourself this....what defences do you have that very well could be holding you back
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