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Learning more and more about my defences from my childhood experiences and I am seeing where they play a part today as an adult.
there was never a consistent long term childhood friend...mitigating circumstances led to them being moved away , they were always removed and I had no control over it. Secondary school was not the best time...but I had friend from a youth club who unfortunately turned out to be a very conniving personality and caused a lot of issues.
Then there was Kj (my first love) she was stable, she was normal, she was consistent and I guess I wasn't used to it and my defences played a role .... they are push them away and withdraw you are close enough to hurt me.
I am battling with that right now with this person I met, I hope I am not being naive but I believe she is a good kind person, soft spoken and compassionate...this experience is challenging my defences I developed..... she knows I was an addict, she knows you were adopted, she knows all these things about you ! you could get hurt , she has other options Push her away , withdraw a bit, push her further go on! I am fighting this part all the time..... push her away before something happens before you can be defined as a true blue couple. It's a battle
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