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i messed up and i am a mess up
11 months ago · · Stress,
i hate every fiber of my being. today something happened between me and my dad and i didn't know who to go to to vent. so i went to my close friend and started venting about some really heavy stuff about abuse without asking them if i could. once i was finished venting, i moved on and pretended like nothing happened because thats what i usually do. then they blew up on me. they were furious and started to telling me how what i did was completely out of line. heres what they said: "what i did to them was wrong. i should not have suddenly vented to them about things and then moving on like nothing happened. they go through stuff too and it was rude as hell to go dump my vent onto them. they go through a horrible household too and they dont complain all the time like i do".
i feel disgusting. absolutely disgusting. i messed up so bad. i should have asked them to vent, or better yet, shut my mouth and cried about it to myself. i should not vent. i need to get it into my brain that i am not meaningful enough to vent. i am worthless and my only purpose here on earth before i die in a couple months is to help others and put the needs of others before mine. i do not have needs in fact, i need to get it into my head. do. not. vent. every time i have vented something bad has happened to me. the universe is telling me that i should keep all my problems to myself. i hate myself. i hate myself. i hate myself. i am in the complete wrong and i need to make it up to them