What are you looking for?
1 week ago · · nightmare,
Trigger warning: super gross 🤢🤮 seriously, if you've got a weak stomach or active imagination please don't read. Trust me, you're not really missing out on anything.
You've been warned
So, about a week or so ago I had this nightmare and it's been something that has been on my mind a lot recently.
I smoke cigarettes, so I keep a 2 liter bottle filled half way with water. That way there's absolutely no chance of any kind of fire and keeps them in one spot. Less litter.
So in this nightmare, I got up super quick and was so suicidal that I grabbed the 2 liter and just chugged about 3 mouthfuls of the contents.
Now I'm sure I don't have to tell you that there would be an astronomical amount of nicotine in that water, plus the cigarette butts having fiberglass in them and I distinctly remember feeling at least 2 slip down my esophagus.
The crazy thing is I honestly don't know if it was a dream. I assume it was because if I had actually done that, you know I'd at least be sick as a dog, if not dead. But it's that smidge of uncertainty that really bugs me.
I can safely assume it was just a nightmare. It's just that oddball sense that maybe it wasn't. You know? And I think about it and of course my body reacts as it should. Feeling like I might throw up if I think about it too much. Like my stomach is turning upside down. But it has to be a dream, because i don't remember tasting it and in the absolute LEAST, that taste would've lingered in my burps and in my mouth for hours most likely. Even after sleeping another 6 hours, I'm sure there would be some lingering aftertaste there. Which there wasn't.
All evidence points to it just being a nightmare and it just makes me stop and wonder if I really am THAT suicidal? That desperate to die that I'd do something like that.
How would I have any hope of fixing myself if I'm that far gone?