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5 days ago · · Stress,
I really feel like I dont know how to be an adult. My dad died when I was a child and my mother had 5 kids to look after and she was tok depressed so I used to do a lot of the work in the house and helping care for my younger siblings and I felt like i got no guidance on how to be normal. I also never spoke to anyone about my feelings but I used to listen to my siblings and my mother tell me about their feelings for hours, when I was younger than 10. I am so bad with money, I should have plenty but I waste a lot of it and I always say I am gonna do better each month but I never do. I never go to the doctors or the dentist because I used to not see a future for myself so why would I make myself healthy? I have never had a romantic relationship. My mum was very religious and also homophobic so I was always too scared to try to date someone incase she found out but now I just can't deal with intimacy and romance. I have a very close friend who I love so much but I cannot say how I feel and I cannot imagine us being intimate even though I want to because I don't feel good enough for her really. A lot of people say things to me like 'I can't imagine you dating anyone.' I have never had any type of relationship before where I haven't had to put in all of the effort, even with my mum and siblings and I just want someone to make an effort for me for once. I seem ok to everyone, I am a boss where I work and I like my job but its hard when I'm depressed because its part of my job to motivate everyone and I manage to do it but it drains me. I never eat the right kinds or amounts of food and I struggle to keep the house tidy. I really want a romantic relationship more than anything but I don't really want to let someone get to know me so intimately because they will see that I am not great at being an adult. I dunno stuff about bills and like tax and how money works really and I always feel a bit out of my depth with whatever I do.