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So, basically, long story short, everytime I try to talk to someone about them hurting me, they try to turn it back on me. For instance, earlier today I was talking about how I was terrified of this one person for their abusive and controlling behavior, and then they told me that I was a terrible friend for sharing their information with everyone? When I was really just trying to explain why they were a terrible person to my friends, who wanted to support me. This isn't the first time this has happened. This has happened before with other abusive people. I call them out, and they call me out for things I didn't do. It's just confusing. Why do they do this? It just makes them look stupid, in my eyes. I'm trying to help them, but they're just giving me false leads? Am I doing something wrong?? Please help
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Humans employ what they see fit for self preservation, and anything that challenges their image can elicit a fight or flight response. Humans are social historically, abandonment being detrimental to survival. A tactic I have seen work well for critique: Phrase it like a hypothetical that they already know the answer to while guiding them to constructive measures; they feel safer, welcomed, and as if they arrived at the solution with you. Some fear receiving help will make them look weak, or that feedback is just to condemn. Keep on being you every day, and remember we love you *hug* 💖
ReplyAh, that makes sense. Thank you ^^. May I have an example of how I could phrase it so that they don't get defensive, and we could reach a solution?
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